A Heart's battle
by Purpwithapen
Summary: Would he ever be free from his tormenter? Sam was convinced the answer was no. A life altering event hurtles him to the edge and to Toronto. Can anyone help him? First story in my AU "Battles" series.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I was reading another author's story and I saw in the comments that they wished there were more AU written. At first, I didn't really like the idea. But then, it was like "lightbulb". With AU I can do whatever I want. Cool! And my muse said, Very Cool and off we went. :) I will go back to my other story Fires of the Past, but I'll probably crank out some more chapters for this one. Enjoy! And please review to let me know what you think so far!

"Hey bud," he narrowed his hazel eyes at his blonde counterpart, "what's up?" He looked down, skimmed the dead bugs off of the rainwater bucket and splashed some of the clear cool water over his face. The damned sand was everywhere. He ran a hand through his dark locks and looked back at his friend, who he realized had not answered him. He could see that his friend was deep in thought. He stepped closer and punched Sam in the arm. Bad idea. Three seconds later his back was on the sand and he was trying to remove the hand from his throat.

"Dammit Matt. How many times do I have to tell you?" Sam huffed, his blue eyes were dark with anger. Matt knew he hated to be touched but he couldn't help pushing Sam's boundaries.

"I'm a slow learner." Matt said through a gruff voice, then smiled up at Sam.

Sam released his hold and shook his head. He stepped back slightly, put his hand out and helped Matt up. He sighed, leaned in a little and patted Matt's back before releasing the other man's hand.

That was new, Matt thought. "Sorry man. I was just trying to get your attention." He gave Sam a knowing grin. He knew Sam hated being touched, but he tested it every once in awhile. He understood why Sam was the way he was, they'd been friends for several years now. They'd spent many nights under the stars talking about their lives. He knew Sam trusted Matt with his life and vice versa, but the trust did not include anything besides handshakes or fist bumps. And now it included pats on the back. That was awesome.

It made him sad, although he never told anyone, when he heard Sam crying softly in his bunk. It was rare for Sam to let any emotion show, he had trained himself over the years to remain stoic. But Matt heard the soft sobs and he wished he could at least put a hand on Sam's back in a gesture of comfort. Instead Matt lay in his cot, let Sam know he was there and listened.

"You wanted my attention and now you aren't listening?" Sam threw up his hands in frustration, walked the few steps to their unit tent and entered. He sighed angrily and paced in the small space. The other unit guys were at the mess, finishing their first real meal in a week. He hated to do that to Matt, but it irked him when Matt decided to try to touch him. He stopped and harrumphed as Matt emerged through the door. He was already irritated, why did Matt insist on poking the bear, he groused.

"Ok, ok. I can see you're already pissed and I didn't help," Matt put his hands up, "I'm sorry."

Sam took a deep breath and released it. He looked around the tent, walked past Matt with a pointed look and back outside. A minute later he returned.

"AC up in this joint?" Matt asked their coded question and waited. It sounded like a jovial question to anyone that was listening.

"Cool and breezy." Sam answered with fake cheer in his voice and stepped closer to Matt.

Matt nodded and stood still. It was safe for them to talk. He watched the fear enter Sam's eyes and his stomach fell. Shit this was bad.

"He's here." Sam said softly.

"Fuck. When?" Matt asked in the same volume.

"Yesterday. Flew in for an important meeting." Sam sneered the last word. He started pacing again. His mind was racing. Why couldn't he leave well enough alone, he thought. "Always has to make sure I feel his presence."

"So, what do you want to do?" Matt asked seriously, although it was still a whisper. "He knows your tricks. Our tricks."

"I know. And we're on rest and training rotation so.." Sam paced for several minutes, trying to think of some way to get out of seeing his tormenter. How the man ever made Colonel with his, tendencies, Sam will never know. He'd hoped that when he joined JTF2 that he could get out from under the man, but he wasn't that lucky.

When the War on Terrorism started, he was almost glad. He and his unit would be out in the field for long stretches which would keep him out of the Colonel's hands. He was extremely glad when his and several units were ordered to set up a temporary base 30 miles from the main base. It was a remote area and only accessible by stealth helicopter. An expensive way to visit a remote base without good reason. And now he found a reason, dammit, Sam kicked his foot locker.

"We'll figure it out." Matt assured him. He stood staring into space, trying to think of something they hadn't done before. Sudden assignment wouldn't cut it, especially now that they were rotated out. He knew better than to suggest sickness, the time they tried that it had been disastrous. No, Sam needed to be able to defend himself if needed.

A knock at the door brought them both out of their reverie. Sam looked at Matt and then said, "decent!"

Lieutenant Bahl Mumberg stepped into the tent and paused to let his eyes adjust to the dimness.

Sam and Matt moved easily into line, saluted and waited.

"At ease gentleman." Mumberg watched them move to parade rest and smiled. God he loved being saluted. It was such a rush to know he had the power to tell these men to do something and they had to do it. He sniffed and just looked at the two of them. I should've left them saluting, he thought.

After several moments, Sam left his gaze shift to the Lieutenant. What was Mumbles doing? He smiled internally at the nickname the Lieutenant had been given by the men. It wasn't meant to be mean, the man just tended to mumble when he talked. He was constantly being asked to repeat himself. He could see that Mumbles was enjoying his power over them, making them wait until he was ready. Jerk.

Matt worked his jaw as they waited silently for the Lieutenant to speak. He was such a dick. He was about to speak when Mumberg finally broke the silence.

"Braddock." Mumberg handed the envelope to Sam. "Wheels up in 30."

Sam took the envelope then saluted. Matt followed. They stayed like that for several beats before Mumberg smirked, turned and walked away.

As he exited the tent, Mumberg looked around and seeing no one, adjusted himself. He needed to find an Afghani woman and show her who was boss, and soon. That thought made him adjust again and he headed towards his private tent.

"Good timing?" Matt looked expectantly at Sam. God he hoped it was just the General calling Sam for a mission briefing.

"Maybe." Sam breathed. He opened the envelope and pulled out several papers. He gave an audible sigh of relief as he started to read the mission information.

"Personal mission briefing." Matt nodded and sat on his cot.

"Looks like." Sam looked up from the papers and nodded.

"Been awhile." Matt said pointedly.

He raised his brows and sat on his cot next to Matt's so that they were facing each other. "Yep." Sam said resolutely.

"Kinda the lesser of two evils."

Sam scoffed and raised a brow. "Kinda?"

"You're just too alike is all." Matt shook his head.

"You know it's more than that." Sam gave him a hard look.

"I know." Matt nodded. I wish you could just tell the General, he thought. If he knew, the General would've stopped it, would stop it. But too much is wrapped up in it now. It is a tangled web the Colonel weaves.

With a sigh, Sam stood, folded the papers and put them in one of the big pockets in his pants. He went to his footlocker and packed a bag for up to three days. After he was done, he turned to his friend. "At least you won't have to lie for me." He said darkly.

Matt stood and gave Sam a half-smile. "You know, I'm pretty sure I heard Finkey say he was planning a poker tournament. Those can take hours, even days." He winked.

"Damn. Wish I wasn't missing that. Good luck and watch your back." Sam said sadly, then his voice got serious.

"I will brother, you too." Matt put his fist up and he smiled when Sam bumped it.

Sam nodded and left the tent. He stopped under the small canopy and let his eyes adjust for a moment before he headed to the helicopter.

Peach, Zona, Hound and Trip were talking loudly and laughing as they made their way to their unit tent. They turned down the row of tents and stopped three down on the left.

Hound looked up and narrowed his eyes at a figure at the end of the tents. Is that? He looked at Trip, their medic, then lifted his chin at the retreating figure. "Tod?" As the Sergeant of this team, he should know if a member is sent somewhere. It irked him when Lieutenant Mumbles did this shit.

Trip turned his head to look and frowned. Now where was he going, he thought irritably. Their sniper always seemed to disappear for no reason. Although, he considered, his father is the General. An impromptu meeting isn't always a bad thing. He wondered about Tod's relationship with his father. Whenever the General was mentioned, Tod clamped his jaw hard and a fire lit his eyes. He looked back at Hound and shrugged.

"I'll be back." Hound turned and headed towards Mumbles' tent, hell bent on finding out the situation and why he wasn't informed.

"Mumbles is gonna get it now." Peach lifted his eyebrows twice at Trip and Zona before they headed inside their tent.

"Where's Tod off to?" Zona asked as he walked past Linc to the last bunk and flopped down on it.

"Mission briefing at the base." Linc said matter of factly, walked to his cot and stretched out. He looked to his left and felt a small pang at Sam's empty bed. He wished he could've gone with, but he knew his mission was to keep the unit as far from the Colonel as possible. The Colonel had too much over Sam's head already, Matt wouldn't let Sam's fiends become a target. At least the rest of them.

#####

Hound heard some heavy breathing coming from Mumbles' tent as he got to the door. Was he exercising? Or? The units here were almost all men, they understood the need for privacy once in awhile. He stepped back as the panting got louder and tried to think of something else to do for a few more minutes. He made do studying the few clouds overhead.

"Sergeant?"

Crap. There's no way the Lieutenant missed the voice so close to his tent. Hound turned and looked at the Lieutenant's assistant. "Yes Corporal Fanning?"

"I, uh, are you ok Sir?" Fanning asked meekly. It looked like maybe the Sergeant was lost or something, he thought.

"Five by five Corporal." There was a pause as Hound took in the pale, freckled face and red hair of the kid in front of him.

"Good Sir." Fanning stood his ground.

"Was there something you needed Corporal?" Hound asked, annoyed.

"Yes Sir. I, uh, brought the paperwork for Master Corporal Braddock's departure today Sir." A small arm stuck out and held one sheet of paper out.

"Thank you Corporal. I was just coming to ask the Lieutenant why I wasn't notified." Hound looked over the paper and grumbled.

"Yes Sir. I apologize Sir. I had to make a pit stop on my way here with the notice. Won't happen again Sir." Fanning saluted and answered with a slight shake in his voice. Sergeant Francis "Hound" Housemen, only those with a death wish called him Francis, had a reputation for being a hardass and expected perfection. Any small infraction was dealt with promptly and severely. He steeled himself for whatever came next.

Hound pulled himself up to his full height and looked down at the kid. He's trembling, he thought. Guess my rep proceeds me. He didn't mind being known as a hard ass, but he was also fair. The kid had to pee, can't punish him for that. He let a small smile play on his lips as he said, "at ease Corporal. I have the information now. Thank you." He gave a small nod to Fanning, turned and left.

Fanning watched Hound leave, stunned. He didn't get dressed down for not making the notice a priority? Huh, he smiled to himself, maybe Hound wasn't so horrible as he'd heard. He turned to see the Lieutenant standing just outside his tent door.

"Well, aren't we just proud of ourselves." The Lieutenant cleared the distance in three steps.

The Corporal snapped to attention and held it. He'd already learned that the Lieutenant loved the little power his rank held. When he forgot to turn the lights off one night and the Lieutenant found them on in the morning the Lieutenant had made him stand at attention for 2 hours. He was drenched in sweat and almost didn't make it to the bathroom. He knew this was a fairly new assignment, but he hoped maybe he could move somewhere else.

"I thought you knew your priorities." Mumberg paced back in forth in front of his employee. "Meet me in my office," he turned and smiled as an idea formed, "with the 2016 operations manual and tactical practices manuals."

With a nod, Fanning turned and headed to the office. Damn! Those manuals are very thick and very heavy. This was going to suck big time.

#####

Sam was walking past the temporary hangar when he heard a voice that stopped him dead.

"You didn't really think you could slip away so easily did you?"

To some the voice was smooth as silk, but to Sam it was like nails on a chalkboard. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from swearing and looked towards the voice. "I know better than that." Sam said flatly.

"Ooh. Yes you do." The Colonel purred, and his lips slipped into a Cheshire grin.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: thank you all so much for the reviews, follows and favorites! It makes me happy to know that people enjoy my stories. As always I don't own Flashpoint and please continue to review.

"My ride is leaving." Sam said coldly, his eyes narrow slits of pure hatred.

The Colonel's eyes flashed. "Careful Samuel. You know better than to test me."

Sam changed his stance to one of bold defiance. "I am aware."

He took his time letting his eyes trail down and back up Sam's body. The pants were riding on the younger man's hips in just the right way so that the pants accented his muscular legs and glutes. The shirt wasn't tight, but Sam's well toned stomach could be seen through the fabric. The Colonel felt a certain part of him stirring and cursed the General for taking his toy from him.

With a roll of the eyes, Sam saluted then turned to leave.

"Master Corporal!" There was no mistaking the commanding, icy tone. The Colonel couldn't believe his soldier was just going to leave like that. No, he had another thing coming.

"Sir?" Sam turned back and stood at parade rest. He was seething inside. For once the Colonel could've just let him leave. But no, he has to do this.

The Colonel stepped closer and breathed in. My god, even his raw, musky scent smelled like heaven. "What I wouldn't give for just five minutes alone with you." He whispered. He looked around and saw a few people puttering about so he raised his voice and said, "I did not give you permission to leave soldier. Would you like a write up for insubordination?"

"No Sir!" Sam said with finality and stood at attention.

"At ease." The Colonel said after a few minutes and the crewman on the helicopter looked at them impatiently. He looked directly into those deep blue eyes and smiled broadly. "Tell Daddy I say hello." He dropped his voice and said, "I'll be picturing you like this until you get back. And I can't wait until you come..back."

There wasn't anything Sam could say that would do any good right now. He gave a small nod, turned and got on the helicopter. He clenched his jaw and looked out across the desert as they lifted off. Sam would not give that asshole the satisfaction of looking at him while Sam flew away.

As they flew across the endless dunes he thought about the last time he saw the Colonel. He wished it had been longer than only a month. He'd been at this remote base for a month. It didn't seem like it'd been that long. It felt like yesterday. He shivered when he thought about that encounter and turned his thoughts to the meeting with his dad and the upcoming mission.

Twenty minutes later the helicopter set down in the main base in Kandahar. Sam shouldered his bag and met the General's assistant Captain Gideon Miller. They saluted and exchanged pleasantries as they walked to the two story building.

Sam nodded at or said hi to people as he walked past, except one. He stopped in front of a desk and tipped his head down trying to catch her eye. He lifted one side of his mouth as she continued to ignore him. He put a hand on her desk and she looked at him, mouth open and fire in her doe brown eyes. When she turned back to her computer screen with a huff he let a small chuckle escape.

Captain Miller smirked and walked on to his desk. He knew Sam's playboy ways would cause him to stop at someone's desk. Sam was fairly notorious for his many dalleys on and off base. He just wish he knew how Sam did it. Sure Sam was built and had amazing blue eyes, but that alone couldn't be it. He shook his head as he sat as his desk and checked a few things.

She snapped her head towards Sam and narrowed her eyes at him. "Something I can do for you, Master Corporal?" She asked haughtily.

"Charlotte." Sam said throatily. He leaned his hip on her desk and gave her a lusty look.

"Uh uh." Captain Charlotte Montgomery shook her red curls. "Not this time Braddock. You can't just come in here, flash that sexy smile and think I-"

"You think I have a sexy smile?" Sam raised a brow.

"Go away." Charlotte furrowed her brows at him.

"Come on. You can't tell me you didn't enjoy last time." Sam taunted softly.

"Yeah well it was just a one time thing." She said dismissively and looked at the computer screen.

He put a hand on hers. When she looked at him with less anger, but still irritated he released her hand. "Ok. I'll go." He shrugged and turned to go.

Charlotte closed her eyes and sighed. Damn him and his sexy blue eyes. "Pick me up at 7. You know where." She said with a small amount of reluctance.

Sam turned back to her, winked and said, "see you then." As he walked away he wondered why he felt compelled to stop and talk to Charlotte. He had a good time with her last time, in fact, she definitely knew her way around his body. But, it wasn't anything more than sex with her and he was horny. That was it, it'd been awhile and he was horny. He stopped dead. Oh god, am I horny because of the Colonel? Because of the way the Colonel looked at him or spoke to him? A huge shiver wracked his body and he sprinted for the bathroom.

He burst into the bathroom, pushed the stall door open and emptied his stomach in the toilet. He kept heaving until there wasn't anything left. He sat back against the door and put his palms to his eyes. He shook his head as the tears started to fall. No, it can't be he thought desperately. No, it's not. It's not. I love women, I enjoy women.

The Colonel has twisted my mind. He wiped his eyes and stood. He flushed the toilet, left the stall and walked to the sink. He washed his hands and face and looked at himself in the mirror. Charlotte was an attractive woman and he was going to enjoy being with her tonight. Besides, he thought, she already knows the rules. He straightened and nodded to himself. He left the bathroom and walked straight to his father's office. He knocked and when he heard "enter", he did so.

"Master Corporal, good." General Anthony Braddock nodded without looking up from his paperwork.

"Sir. Reporting as ordered." Sam snapped to attention and saluted.

"At ease." Anthony looked up and eyed his son. His brows furrowed together when he noted the red-rimmed eyes. He stood and approached his son. He stopped in front of Sam, leaving the required two feet between them. "Thank you for coming." He lowered his voice and changed his tone to one of familial closeness. He noticed a shiver coursed through Sam and frowned.

Ugh, why did he have to say those words exactly, Sam thought miserably. He couldn't help the shiver that shook him. He knew his father didn't know those were the words the Colonel whispered to him, but it still got to him. "We have a mission sir?" He said flatly.

"Are you ok son?" Anthony moved closer and put a hand up to put it on Sam's shoulder. When Sam pulled away he snatched his hand back. He forgot that Sam hates to be touched. He never could figure that one out and Sam refused to explain.

"Yes sir." Sam answered formally.

"Sam, please relax. I'm not the General right now, I'm just your father." Anthony looked into eyes exactly like his. He saw the hard resolve waiver and waited.

After several moments, Sam took a deep breath, looked at the ceiling then back at his father. He's your father, he doesn't know, you can't blame him, you know it's your fault, it always has been, his inner voice told him. Just get through it, he told himself. "I'm good." He made his voice sound friendly and pasted a smile on his face.

Anthony narrowed his eyes at Sam, assessing him. It looked like he had put on a mask. He knew there wasn't anything "good" about Sam right now. "Your voice and face say "good", but not your eyes Samuel. What's wrong?"

Sam sighed and looked away. I wish I could tell you, he thought with longing. For twenty years he'd endured so much and his father had no clue about any of it. The things Sam did to protect those he loves were almost unimaginable. If his father knew he would be sickened. He wouldn't ever be able to lay eyes on Sam again. It would be too painful. I'm not who you think I am, he thought sadly. He wished he could say that but he couldn't. "I'm good Dad, honestly."

"Ok, son, good." Anthony nodded but he didn't believe his son for a second. "I have everything set up over here." He pointed to the round table covered by maps and papers.

Two hours later they were done going over the details and had packed up what Sam needed to take back to his unit.

"You free for dinner? Your mom would love to see you." Anthony asked hopefully.

"What time?" Sam looked up from the satchel strap he was putting across his chest. He could always put Charlotte off a couple hours so he could see his mom. It's not like he and Charlotte were really going to eat or anything anyway.

Anthony looked at his watch. "1700 work?"

Sam looked at his watch and saw it was only 1530. Plenty of time to shower and change. "Definitely." He smiled genuinely.

"Good. Your mom has a room at the house ready if you want to stay with us." Anthony said with a touch of hopefulness. The house here wasn't much, but it was better than a bunk.

With a shrug, Sam said, "sure." He could use a regular bed for the night.

"Great." Anthony nodded. "Captain Miller will give you a ride to the house."

"Ok." Sam walked to the door and opened it. He spun around and saluted the General.

The General smiled internally and returned the salute. "Dismissed Master Corporal. Good luck in your mission. Make your country proud."

"Sir, yes Sir!" Sam answered loud and proud then turned and left, shutting the door behind him. Fifteen minutes later he was at his parents front door. He paused a moment and made sure he had his mask firmly in place. He would not and could not let his mother see his real self, his real feelings. He opened the door, walked through the small foyer and stepped into the kitchen. He was immediately greeted by an excited scream and crushing hug. He smiled as he hugged his mom back, the only person he allowed to touch him besides sexual partners. "Hey mom."

Talia Braddock went up on her tiptoes and kissed her son on the cheek. "Hi Sam. How are you?"

"I'm good." Sam smiled genuinely.

"I wish your friend Matt could've come with you. I haven't seen him since Christmas." Talia walked back to the small island and continued to chop veggies.

"Yeah me too. He loves coming here. He said he eats enough to last him weeks." Sam laughed, walked to the sink and washed his hands. When he turned around he asked, "so what can I do?"

Talia put Sam to work and they had nearly finished supper when the door opened.

"Hello?" The female voice echoed throughout the house.

Sam turned in time to see his sister Natalie walk through the kitchen door. He rolled his eyes and went back to what he was doing. Why the fuck was she here? And how?


	3. Chapter 3

"Hello to you too big brother." Natalie said with annoyance. When he looked at her she gave him a yeah-I-saw-that-eye-roll-you-jerk look. She still didn't understand his issues with her. Yes she was the youngest, but he's the golden boy. Daddy's perfect little soldier. He was the good one and she the bad. She shook her head and breathed deeply getting her emotions under control. "Oh man that smells good."

Sam watched Nat get herself under control and felt guilty. He hated keeping her, and his parents, at arm's length, but it was necessary. He would not let any of them be hurt again because of him. He would rather die first.

"Beef stir fry." Talia smiled and put an arm around the shoulders of her beautiful daughter. She didn't understand the tension between Sam and Nat. It'd been that way since they were little, specifically when Sam was 10 and Nat was 3. She wondered briefly why it was at that time, but then remembered how rambunctious Nat was at that age. They fought like cats and dogs, but Sam never let Nat out of his sight. She wished they could get along better.

"Anything you need me to do?" Nat looked between them and asked cheerily.

"You have perfect timing, everything is done." Sam said wearily, gave her a pointed look and carried the large skillet to the table with a pot holder.

"You can bring the rice to the table." Talia gave Nat a smile and patted her back. "I've got the gravy." She followed her children into the dining room.

General Braddock had excellent timing as well as he walked in just as everyone was sitting at the table. He put his bag down and gave Nat a big hug when she stood to greet him. "Your flight ok sweetheart?" He asked after he kissed her forehead, her arms around him.

Nat smiled and sat down across from Sam while her father sat to her left after kissing his wife. "Yeah, it was kinda long, but nothing new." She chatted on about her life in Mississauga and her new job at a prestigious law firm as a paralegal.

Sam listened, but refrained from commenting. He was very proud of his little sister. She had taken a year off to travel after high school and then kind of floated around not knowing what she wanted to do with her life. He loved hearing that she had found something to be passionate about. Her plans to become a lawyer made him very happy, yet he kept an impassive face.

"So, how long are you here for?" Nat looked at Sam hopefully.

"Just tonight." Sam answered, his voice emotionless, then took a forkful of food.

"Oh." Nat's shoulders slumped. She looked at her father and gave him a fake pouty face.

The lines around Anthony's eyes crinkled as he smiled at his daughter. "Sorry darlin. Mission can't wait."

Her eyes got big and round as she really pushed her lip out. "But we don't get to spend much time together." Nat whined.

"General's orders." Sam said firmly. His heart was warmed by the fact that Nat wanted to spend more time with hims. He wished he could stay too but the mission really was time sensitive. He hated to rush back to the base, especially with the Colonel there, but he knew he'd only be there for a couple hours while they readied for the mission. The Colonel would be gone by the time they got back.

"Fine. Go be the hero." Nat spat at him.

"Nat." Anthony looked at her apologetically.

"Nat." Talia sighed and put a empathetic hand over her daughter's.

Nat yanked her hand from her mother's and stood glaring at Sam. "Heaven forbid you would have to spend time with me. You can't even stand to be in the same room with me." Her eyes watered and overflowed as she watched his impassive face. Damn him! Wasn't he going to say anything? With a sob she turned, stormed down the hall and slammed her door hard before she threw herself on the bed.

After a moment of awkward silence, Talia looked at her son. What was wrong with him? "Why are you so mean to your sister?" She whispered. She looked at Anthony whose eyes registered the same hurt and confusion.

"I'm not." Sam furrowed his brows. "She was acting like a child." God this killed him more than they knew. "I can't stay. I have to go back to the base in the morning. I'm sorry she doesn't like it, but that's the way it is." He stood, picked up his place at the table and walked into the kitchen. He put everything in the sink with a loud clatter and held onto the edge willing the tears not to come.

He could hear the soft voiced conversation in the dining room. His father was apologetic that he had to send Sam back, but he echoed Sam's thoughts about it being the way it is. His mother was sullen and asked why, as the General, he couldn't change it. Sam knew why. His mom didn't know the details of the briefing the General gave him. It was a critical mission, one that could change things if all went as planned.

When his mother said she was going to talk to Nat, Sam walked through the large pantry and slipped out the door to the small backyard. He jumped up on small storage box next to the house, then grabbed the edge of the roof and pulled himself up on it. He turned to the west and watched the sun slowly dip towards the desert floor, splashing reds, yellows and oranges across the sky.

His thoughts turned to dinner. Oh Nat, my sweet little sister, I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to be this way. Never. I would do anything to be able to be the brother you deserve. The tears started to flow and he put a hand to his mouth to cover the sob. I wish I could be the son they deserve, he thought, but I'm not. I didn't protect Sarah. I was supposed to, it was my job. She shouldn't have had to suffer at the hands of the Colonel.

Images of a laughing girl with blond curly pigtails tied with pink ribbons, a pink frilly dress and pink sandals floated through his vision. He looked down and saw her little hand in his. She looked up at him and smiled as they waited for the crosswalk sign to say they could go. Suddenly, he heard the screech of tires and the little hand was yanked from his. He looked down again, expecting to see her hand, but his was empty. All that was left was her pink sandals. He heard laughing and looked up at the driver of the car sitting in front of him. It was the Colonel. He said only one thing, "it's your fault. Keep your mouth shut or next time it's you."

With a choking sob he fell to his knees. "Sarah" he whispered. "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve it. Not like me. It should've been me. I'm sorry." He collapsed down to his butt, pulled his knees up and put his arms around them. He silently begged whoever was listening to take him instead. To release him from the horrible game he plays with the Colonel. He didn't deserve this family or this life. He cried hard for several minutes before he heard the sound of someone near, on the storage box. He wiped his face and quickly stood.

"Sam?" Anthony called from the edge of the roof. He'd gone to the backyard looking for Sam but had stopped when he heard crying. It broke his heart to hear his son cry. Sam certainly never showed this side of himself to any of them. Anthony had climbed up onto the storage box but had stopped when he saw Sam sitting in a ball, his head on his knees.

Sam wiped his face and took several deep breaths before he turned and walked towards his dad at the edge. "Yes sir?"

Anthony appreciated the respect Sam gave him, but he'd told Sam he didn't have to be formal at home. He knew it was his own fault. He started grooming Sam for the military at the age of five just like his father did with him. Formality and discipline had been ingrained in Sam and it couldn't be so easily put aside. He let it go for now as the look on Sam's face before it was erased was awful. "You ok?"

He jumped down onto the box and to the ground in rapid order and looked up at his dad. "Yup."

With a nod, Anthony sat then slid off the box. He would've jumped down like Sam did if he didn't have shrapnel lodged in his left knee. When he was down he looked at Sam, but there wasn't any light in those identical blue eyes. A pang shot through his heart. I wish I knew what to do to help you, he thought sadly. He put a hand out to pat Sam's back and let it drop when Sam turned and walked through the back door. He shook his head and followed.

Sam walked through the house, grabbed his bag from the living room, walked to his room across from Nat's and closed the door. He turned to his right and opened the closet. He pulled out his favorite pair of dark washed jeans and baby blue collared shirt. He pulled everything out of his bag and got it squared away before he texted Charlotte and headed to the shower.

Ten minutes later he was on his bike headed to the other side of the base. It didn't take him long to get to Charlotte's two story building. He lifted his bike on his shoulder, walked inside and up the stairs to 203. He dropped th bike to the floor, knocked and smiled when she opened the door.

"Hello handsome." Charlotte smiled seductively as she held the door open.

Sam gave her a half smile and stepped into her space. He dropped his lips to hers and kissed her hungrily.

She returned the desire and smiled when he pulled back from her. She jumped and wrapped her legs around him as he walked them into the apartment. She dropped from his waist and waited, knowing he needed to bring his bike in and lock the door.

After Sam locked the door he turned back and walked to her. He smiled. "How're you doing?" He asked sultrily.

"Why don't you tell me?" Charlotte put her arms around his neck.

He reached down, under her clothes to her heat. He could already feel how she was but he went further and found her slick apex. He groaned, captured her lips with his and slid his tongue into her mouth as he rubbed. She groaned at his ministrations and pressed her breasts to his chest. He walked her backwards to the bedroom as she shuddered and gasped. When she reached for his jeans he pulled away. "Rules." He looked into her eyes.

"Sorry." She breathed. She sat back on the bed and pulled her clothes off while he did the same. When he joined her on the bed she was ready and they joined in one smooth motion.

At first he took it slow, but as his emotions stormed he quickened the pace. After a few minutes, he slowed for a moment to try to revel in this bit of comfort, but she begged for him and he complied. He pushed them both to the edge until they peaked together and he collapsed on top of her unable to stop the tears.

Charlotte laid there trying to catch her breath. Wow, that was even better than the last time, she thought. Although it was disconcerting that he hadn't gotten up yet. Usually he was up and gone right after. It was one of his rules. She felt wetness on her shoulder and looked at him with concern. "Sam? Are you ok?" She asked quietly, unsure what to do. She was not allowed to hug him or touch him after, another of his rules.

Sam wanted to get up, but he did want her to see him crying like a baby. Without looking at her he moved to the side of the bed. He sat up with his back to her and wiped his eyes. "I'm good." He put on his sexy lopsided smile and looked back at her. "You?"

She smiled and stretched languidly. "Oh I'm very good." She turned on her side, draping one leg over the other, her hand on her leg, the other hand holding her head up. "I wouldn't object if you wanted to hang around for another round." She said suggestively. He turned to her and she could see that he was almost at full attention again. She bit her lip, wishing he would let her work her magic. She'd been told she was very good. But, she knew that was his biggest rule and he would be livid if she broke it.

He looked at her and drank in her body, inch by inch. He wasn't surprised he was almost at full staff. Her body was curvy and beautiful. He saw the desire in her eyes and leaned towards her, taking a hardened peak into his mouth.

This time he took his time and worshipped every glorious part of her body, never allowing her hands to roam his. He knew that drove her crazy, but it was necessary. When they found their release together again, he smiled down at her then rolled off to lie next to her gasping for breath.

"My god." Charlotte breathed, a hand on her chest. She looked at him when he laughed softly.

"Well said." Sam chuckled and used sniper breathing to get his lungs under control. He looked at her when he felt her looking at him. "What?"

"It's just...This is the longest you've stayed." She shrugged then put a hand out. "I'm not trying to jinx it, I'm..glad."

Sam wasn't sure what to say. He didn't love her, he knew that much. He was sure she knew that too. This was just sex to him, a way to satisfy his urges and, if he was honest, a little comfort in his otherwise uncomfortable world. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He sat up then stood, looking for his clothes.

She sighed and sat up, pulling her legs close with her arms around them.

"Charlotte?" He gave her a questioning look. Was it time to end this? She knew attachment was against the rules. He should've known that was going to be a hard rule to follow.

Charlotte looked away. She knew this wasn't love, at least not for him. It was hard to believe this was just sex, but with his rules, she knew that's what it was. It was fun, and oh so very good, but it was starting to feel empty. She took a breath and recomposed herself. She gave him a mischievous smile and lifted a brow. "Round three?"

Sam laughed and looked down. He already had his underwear and jeans on. There wasn't any response inside the clothes. He returned her raised brow. "If you think you can." He wasn't going to tell her he couldn't.

She stood, grabbed her undies and pulled them on. "Not a chance." She found her shirt and put it on too. When she was done she saw that he was fully dressed. She was glad, the sight of his defined chest and abs made her want to do everything they just did over and over again. "See you later." She followed him to the door where he was holding his bike.

He smiled at her. "Later." There wasn't anything else to say so he lifted his bike on his shoulder and walked away.

With a raised brow she watched him walk away. The best rear end she'd ever seen. She shook her head and went back in her apartment.

AN: Sorry Jammers! What do you think of my AU Sam so far? What about the Braddocks? The General isn't much of a badass...yet. :) let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: hello all! So apparently there are some questions that need to be answered. :) all in good time my dear readers, all in good time! Mwah ha ha. :)**

"Charlotte, what the hell are we doing?" Lieutenant Sze Haifang demanded of her best friend.

"Oh my god, I had to tell someone, even though I'm not supposed to. Oh Sze, you have to promise you won't tell anyone." Charlotte gushed. She'd just gotten into work and had rushed straight to her best friend's desk.

Sze put a hand on each of the red head's shoulders and looked into her emerald eyes. "Char, you're babbling. Get a hold of yourself." When she saw her friend take several breaths and was calmer she asked, "ok, what happened and why the big secret?"

"Because I know he will kill me, but so will his dad." Charlotte shuddered.

"Why? Who's his dad?" Sze frowned.

Charlotte dropped her voice to a whisper and moved closer to Sze. "You have to swear first. If you tell anyone I will never talk to you again and I will make your life miserable." Her voice was deadly serious.

Blinking, Sze agreed. Damn, this was serious, she thought. I thought she was going to tell me she banged the gorgeous blonde that stopped at her desk yesterday.

"Ok. You saw that blonde Adonis that stopped at my desk yesterday?" Charlotte whispered.

"No." Sze's eyes went wide.

"Yes!" Charlotte nodded and smiled big.

"Oh, you lucky bitch!" Sze playfully hit Charlotte's arm.

"Oooh my god Sze, you have no idea!" Charlotte shivered at the memory.

"So I take it it was good?"

"Phenomenal."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Charlotte nodded her head, her eyes wide. "And I barely touched him."

"What? You had to touch." Sze shook her head and frowned.

"Well, for that part yeah, but he has these rules." Charlotte started.

"Wait. Rules?" Sze put a hand up.

Charlotte's eyes lit up as she whispered Sam's rules and explained how they worked around them.

"Wow." Sze nodded. "Why do you put up with the rules?"

"It is sooo worth it." Charlotte smiled. "I do wish that I could, you know, pleasure him, but apparently he enjoys it all the same." She explained.

"Ok, so who is his dad?" Sze asked curiosity peaked.

She blew out a breath and looked at Sze. "The General."

"What?" Sze exploded her voice raising.

"Shhh." Charlotte put a hand up, palm down and lowered it. They were in the supply closet, but it wasn't soundproof. She looked at her watch. Crap, they'd been away from their desks for almost ten minutes. "We gotta go."

"Oh my god Char, this is serious." Sze said concerned and grabbed her arm.

"Look, the majors are going to have our asses if we don't go back out there soon." Charlotte grabbed a few pens and notepads from the shelves behind Sze and grabbed the door handle.

"We'll talk at lunch." Sze said seriously. When Charlotte nodded she grabbed a couple reams of paper and followed Charlotte when she opened the door.

"Montgomery! Where the hell have you been? I have important paperwork I need you to do!" Major Brett Robel barked.

"Sorry sir, needed a few things from the supply closet." Charlotte bowed her head slightly and hurried to catch up to her angry boss who had stalked back to his office.

##### General Braddock's domicile 0800 #####

Talia hugged her son tight, unwilling to let go.

Sam closed his eyes, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Nat watched her mom and brother and acted on instinct. She propelled herself forward and put an arm around each of them. She knew Sam would probably push her away, he never hugged her, but she didn't care. It was worth it when he didn't pull away right away. A tear slipped down her cheek at the joy she felt at their small amount of contact. It was the first. She couldn't remember any time in her 20 years of life that her brother hugged or kissed her, until now.

When Sam felt Nat put an arm across his back, he fought his automatic reaction to pull away. A few minutes later he lifted his head from his mom's shoulder and pulled back from them both. He smiled at his mom and dropped his arms to his sides. He looked at Nat and saw her wipe her eyes. Damn it. He was hurting her again. He clenched his jaw and stepped further away from them, his eyes hard. He was always hurt them. Suddenly he had to get away. Had to stop hurting them with his presence. He grabbed his bag from beside the door, opened the door and stepped out, pulling the door closed behind him.

"I love you! Be safe!" Talia called after him. The look on his face just now broke her heart. She looked at Nat and saw that her other child needed her. She pulled Nat into her arms and held her tight while she cried.

##### Remote JTF2 base 0900 #####

Sam walked into his unit tent and was glad it was empty. He slept like crap last night. He kept dreaming about Charlotte, which was awesome, but she would suddenly turn into the Colonel during some of the best parts. He kept waking up, hoping the dream would go away, but every time he closed his eyes the dream started again.

He put everything away in his tall and foot lockers. He sat on the bed with a sigh and looked at his clock. He had a couple hours before he needed to brief the team. He kicked off his shoes and laid on the bed with another sigh. A second later he was asleep.

She was smiling at him and enjoying every second of his lavish attention to her body. He looked up from between her legs and smiled at the euphoric look on her face. She reached out a hand and pushed his head down. It was against the rules, but he let it slip. When shivers racked her body he slowly slid up her body to her breasts. He gave each ample attention before he kissed his way up her neck.

He stopped suddenly. The soft body beneath him had disappeared and had been replaced by a body hardened by years of training and with a certain part pressing against his belly. He looked at the face and saw the dark brown eyes he'd grown to know. The same receding hairline and small graying mustache set above a snide smile. "Well? Aren't you going to say it?" He lifted a hand and pointed to the mess around Sam's mouth.

Sam put a hand to his mouth and shakily pulled it away. He knew what it was. He launched himself to the side of the bed and threw up. Oh god, how did the Colonel get him to do the one thing he swore he would never do, no matter what the Colonel threatened him with? He puked again and was glad it drowned out the Colonel's laughter.

He sat up in bed and his nose was immediately assaulted by the smell of vomit. He looked around the tent, his face contorted in anger.

"Sam. What happened?" Matt ran to Sam, but stopped short when he smelled and saw the puke on the ground. "Damn. You think you can make it to the bathroom?"

"I'm done." Sam said weakly and pulled his legs to his chest.

Matt looked at Sam's face, the pain, disgust and self-loathing apparent. Did he mean I'm done puking or I'm done with everything? It was hard to tell. He ran to the door and pushed the rest of the guys back before they could see Sam. "Sam's sick. I need you guys to take a walk for a bit ok?"

"Anything I can do?" Trip asked, although he knew the answer. Sam and Matt were very close, like brothers. There'd been a couple times when Matt had said Sam was "sick" but didn't want Trip to look at him. He understood better than anyone the horrors of war and how hard it was to handle sometimes. And how hard it was to handle having a high ranking officer be your dad. His father is a Rear-Admiral in the Navy. Luckily not many in the Army know people in the Navy. Something must've happened when he went back to base. Damn the General.

"No I got it. I'd appreciate it if you'd go to the mess or something for like an hour. He doesn't want anyone to know about the mess-."

Hound put up a hand. "C'mon boys, I wanna kick some b-ball ass."

Peach and Zona looked at each other and smiled.

"Hell yeah, Kasem's unit has been itching for a rematch." Peach nodded and said excitedly. He turned and headed towards their court.

Matt gave Hound a look of thanks before Hound turned and followed the others. Matt waited until they were out of sight, walked quickly to the bathroom and returned with paper towels folded in his pockets. He walked back into the tent, pulled them out of his pocket and knelt down next to the bed. He cleaned up the mess, found a plastic bag in his footlocker and put the paper towels in it. He tied it up tight so it would block the smell and took it to the bathroom. A few minutes later he returned and Sam hadn't moved. "Sam?" He knelt next to the bed.

It was hard, but Sam found his voice. "Goddamned nightmare." His voice was shaky.

"Which one?" Matt asked. He was glad Sam could talk. Sometimes the nightmare was so bad he couldn't talk about it, just cry.

"New." Sam angrily wiped his tears away and put his arm back around his knees. He felt Matt sit at the bottom of his bunk and was surprised at how many times in the last two days he'd broken his rules. Maybe he was getting too soft and when he go soft, things went bad. He gave Matt a pointed look and watched as Matt moved to his own bunk.

Feeling more secure, Sam started talking. He told Matt about his trip to the base, the fight with Nat, everything. He told Matt about his dream and all the horrible things it made him feel.

Matt knew better than to say anything. It was best to just let Sam vent and get it off his chest. When Sam stopped talking, Matt spoke. "Some things are necessary Sam. We both know that." He said with understanding. "It's horrible and unfair with how you have to be with your family, but you have to. It's the only way to protect them."

"I know." Sam nodded. "It kills me. Nat hates me. The only thing I do for her is make her cry. I can't stand it any more." He put his curled hands sideways on his forehead, his elbows on his knees.

"Yes you can." Matt reassured. "Because I'm here to help. We've got this brother." He leaned forward and looked at Sam until Sam returned his gaze. When they locked eyes, Matt communicated with his eyes. We will find a way out of this. I will not let you down brother.

Sam nodded and slowly unfurled himself. Somehow he and Matt would figure it out. They would end it once and for all and make sure the Colonel paid for what he'd done. He just didn't know how. He and Matt had been looking for a way out for the last five years with no success.

When he met Matt as a freshman in high school, he was a self-proclaimed loner who had cut himself off from everyone. He never talked in class, but got straight A's. Almost all of his classes were Advanced Placement, which was college level. He was bullied at the beginning of school, but those kids found out very quickly that no one messed with Sam Braddock. Sam sent a couple of them to the hospital, and when Matt jumped in to help, Matt knocked out the other two.

It took Sam a very long time to trust Matt completely. A few months after the incident with the bullies, and Sam was finally off groundation, Matt started hanging around Sam. At first, Sam ignored him or tried to scare the brunette away, but it didn't work. Matt was extremely stubborn and tenacious. At first his teachers and guidance counselors worried about Sam, but once they noticed Sam and Matt hanging out together, they quit worrying.

One day, Matt decided he would just start talking about random subjects and the first was his dad. Six months before, he and his mom were living in Lansing, Michigan and his dad was overseas. They got the call on a cold winter night that his dad had died during a mission. Matt went crazy. He started acting out, getting in trouble at school and running with a local gang. It took his mom almost four months to secretly get their temporary Visas to live in Canada. Once she had them she moved them to Toronto to start over and get him in the military school.

Matt shared his pain, the loss of a father he barely knew, the guilt of what he put his mother through, it ate at him. He explained that when he saw Sam getting beat up, it made him think of the kid he beat up so he could join the gang. How stupid and awful he felt about what he did brought the anger out and he had to do something. It took Matt by surprise when Sam started telling him about his little sister that died. Their shared pain formed a bond that, to this day, is as unbreakable as the strongest glue.

Sam stood and Matt followed. "Where's the unit? We need to brief and then head out."

"The basketball court." Matt answered then moved past Sam to go get them. He turned back before he walked through the flap. "You good?" When Sam looked over his shoulder and nodded in agreement, he left the tent.

Sam took several deep breaths, his hands on his hips. Just gotta get out of here, he thought. When he heard the flap open and and heard boots walk in he turned, a smile on his face.

"Nice to see you smiling." The Colonel purred.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN** : **WARNING** : The beginning of this chapter includes sexual assault and later there is sexual assault/rape of children. If that is a trigger for you, please skip down to the #####. If you are **NOT** skipping this section please stop reading now. If you **ARE** skipping this section just know that the sexual assault and rape are a big part of what the Colonel does to Sam. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but it defines Sam in so many ways. As always I do not own Flashpoint, just my OCs and please leave a review.

Sam saluted then dropped his arm. "I have to go brief my men." He said dully.

The Colonel moved forward with a smirk. "Too bad, I have other ideas for, briefs." He stopped in front of Sam and looked down.

His jaw set in a hard line, Sam side-stepped the Colonel. As he moved past, the Colonel grabbed his upper arm with his fingers on the inside of the arm and squeezed hard. Sam grit his teeth to stave off the pain. He would not give the Colonel the satisfaction of seeing him in pain. However, the Colonel was squeezing a pressure point and it took everything Sam had not to cry out.

With a grin, the Colonel tipped his head. He saw the short flash of pain he caused and was delighted. His soldier was not so tough. He reached down with his other hand and grabbed Sam's crotch. "Did you have fun at the base with Daddy? No doubt you met up with your little strumpet for a roll in the hay." At the flash of anger in Sam's eyes he knew he was right. He started moving his hand. "Was she good? I have no doubt she was, _satisfied_." He looked in Sam's eyes. "I always am."

He sighed and looked away. "I have to go brief my men." Sam said flatly, trying to ignore what the Colonel was doing. He cursed his body as he started to become aroused. He gritted his teeth harder and tried to step back. He gasped when the Colonel held onto his lower extremity, preventing movement.

"Oh yes. You love this don't you?" The Colonel smiled. His own lower half was coming to life. He loosened his grip on Sam's upper arm and slid it down to his forearm which he moved to his tented pants.

A soft cry escaped Sam's lips as he looked away and kept his hand loose. I have to get away, he thought, but I can't. If I push him away or do anything physical he'll have me put in the brig again. I could be court martialed for conduct unbecoming. I could be kicked out of the military. Then who would protect Matt? The Colonel already said he would move on to Matt if anything ever happened Sam. Sam couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't. He planned to do everything in his power to keep that from happening, even if it meant letting the Colonel do what he wanted.

"No no. Grab on. You know how." The Colonel said softly as he kept Sam's hand at his crotch. He unbuttoned Sam's pants and reached inside.

"They're waiting for me. If I don't show up they'll come looking for me." Sam stifled a moan and let the Colonel think about that.

"Oh." The Colonel's eyes lit up. He could see that Sam was getting close, so was he. He unbuttoned his pants and shoved Sam's hand inside. "I told them to have lunch first. You'll brief them at 1230."

Sam looked at the clock, it was 12:15. Everyone was at the mess. No one would hear him if he shouted. Besides, the Colonel would spin it to say that they were lovers and Sam was embarrassed by it. He knew the Colonel's twisted mind. He continued to look away and bit his lip to keep from crying out. He was a little surprised when the Colonel dropped to his knees and took Sam completely in his mouth. He didn't want to, God he would've done anything not to react, but he found his release a few minutes later into the Colonel's mouth. It was only a minute later when the Colonel grunted and left a mess on the floor.

"Mmmm." The Colonel took out his handkerchief and wiped his mouth, his eyes dancing with merriment. "Thank you for coming." He watched as Sam turned away with pink cheeks and zipped his pants. He used his kerchief to clean himself off and then zipped his pants too. He watched Sam for a moment. The power he felt was almost euphoric. The slump of Sam's shoulder told him that Sam was his. Sam would do whatever he wanted. Hell, he could probably take that tight behind right now. That thought made a certain area stir.

Oh yes, he would have that savory ass, but not now. They didn't have time. He looked at the clock, 1220. No, they would come looking for him. For a second, he considered exposing their fun. What would daddy think of his perfect soldier? He snorted, not much. His precious son taken over and over again like a dog, for years. And there wasn't anything anyone could've done. After a while, Sam gave himself willingly. That was the most delicious of all. He came willingly.

He stood there with his hand to his mouth willing himself not to cry. Sam felt so dirty, like bugs were crawling over his body leaving dirt trails and shit. Oh god, he thought. I let him do that, I didn't even fight. I should've fought. Maybe someone would've heard. But I don't want them to know, no one can know. He fell to his knees, closed his eyes and vomited. When he opened them again he saw his lunch mixed with the Colonel's mess and vomited again. He put the back of his hand to his mouth. When he heard the Colonel laugh he looked up at the older man, anger and disgust in his eyes. "Get out." His throat was raw with emotion.

"Why? Aren't you having fun?" He Colonel sneered. "Well, lucky for you I have a meeting to get to, but I want to see you when you get back."

"No. That was enough." Sam shook his head.

"Haven't you learned by now it will never be enough?" The Colonel smiled wickedly. "Or do I need to pay a visit to little Nat?" He put his nose in the air and pulled a breath in through his nose loudly. "I don't usually go that way, but I'll bet she'll love it when I bury my dick in her tight little twat," he leaned down closer to Sam's face, "over and over while she screams."

Sam slammed his eyes shut. "No." He breathed. Damn him. He opened his eyes and stood. "Midnight when we get back." He agreed through clenched teeth.

"Good." The Colonel ran a hand along Sam's jaw and stopped with his fingers on Sam's lips. "Until then." He let his other hand trail on Sam's butt and then squeezed. He couldn't wait for later. It was going to be very hard for awhile. He was glad his meeting would distract him.

His body stiffened at the touch and Sam stepped back after the Colonel walked past. Oh god, he thought. He looked at the clock, it was almost 1230. He rushed to the bathroom and hurried to get the mess cleaned up. He got it done with one minute to spare. He'd have to run to the briefing tent. He was itching to take a shower and wash what happened away, but he didn't have time. He grabbed the envelope with the briefing info the General gave him and ran as fast as he could to the briefing tent.

##### briefing tent, 1232 #####

Sam stopped outside the briefing tent, wiped his brow and put on his stone faced look. He walked in and to the front of the room. Luckily it was only his unit seated at the front of the room so he knew he wouldn't get in trouble for being late, they'd just razz him.

"You get lost?" Peach raised a brow.

Trip snickered. "Must've been up late last night. Needed a little cat nap."

"All right, leave the guy alone." Hound said semi-seriously.

Sam gave them each a pointed look and smirked. Let them think whatever they wanted. He started the briefing. When he was done, he gave them an hour to get their gear ready. He followed them out and headed straight to the shower after he grabbed his stuff from his room.

He stood in the water spray, one hand on the wall and let the tears flow. He took his time in the shower using his washcloth to scrub his skin until it was red. Even then, it wasn't enough to wash away of the memory of the Colonel in his tent. He looked down and wished that he could just chop it off, but he knew better. The Colonel had made it clear long ago what would happen if he disobeyed. His rage boiled up to the surface and he slammed his fist into the Adobe wall in front of him. The wall cracked and he looked at his fist and flexed his fingers. He broke the skin in several places, but he was sure it wasn't broken. It just hurt like hell.

"Sam?" Matt called from the entrance to the shower area. He had become worried when Sam didn't come back from his shower after five minutes. He was the only one that could shower that fast.

"Yeah. I'm on my way out." Sam pulled himself together and made his voice normal. He rinsed off and shut off the water.

Matt waited for Sam to get dressed and walk out of the shower area. When he finally emerged, Matt was leaning against the wall. "Feel better?" He raised a brow.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, smoothly keeping his hand out of sight.

"Which is worse, your hand or the wall?" Matt leaned to the side and caught sight of the bloody fist again.

Sam stopped and sighed. He looked back at the wall. "It's not broken, just cracked." He looked at Matt. He'd told Matt some of the fucked up things he'd done over the years, but this was too new to talk about yet.

"What about your hand?"

"It's fine. Just bloody." Sam looked down at his hand.

"Here." Matt walked to the paper towel dispenser, took out a couple and gently dabbed at Sam's hand. After he used a little water, the bleeding stopped and he threw the paper towels away. He looked at Sam concerned. He could see that Sam was fighting for control of his emotions. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not now. We need to head out to make our timeframe." Sam shook his head and started towards the door.

"Ok." Matt nodded and followed Sam to their tent. He knew better than to push. He'd tried it once and had paid the price. His mother was shocked the day he came home with a broken nose and double shiners. He'd blamed it on boys at school but never told his mom who it was exactly. After he apologized profoundly to Sam, they were even better friends than before. He never did that again.

Thirty minutes later, they were riding in a transport truck to the drop off point. After that they would have to walk to the mission area. Once they were dropped off, they started the eight mile walk. Sam led the way, followed by Hound, Matt, Trip, Peach and Zona.

They stopped for a quick drink and snack, then made it to within a mile of the mission area which was a very small village. Sam ran ahead to the village and verified that their information was correct. It took a little while, but he saw that the men they were looking for were in fact in the village. The leader Ammaar Ayoob, was considered a General in the terrorist cell they'd been tracking for the last year. Ayoob's cell were responsible for the annihilation of several villages and two complete JTF2 units. Sam's unit had taken out some of the large cell's Lieutenants, but hadn't been able to take out anyone higher up. That was going to change tonight. Sam snuck back to their camp with a satisfied smile.

When he walked back into camp, Sam was still smiling. He greeted Trip with their bird call to indicate it was him and so he didn't get his throat slit. He walked to the fire and sat between Hound and Matt. "We're a go sir. Targets confirmed."

Hound nodded and smiled at Sam. "Outstanding Tod." He looked around at the unit. "All right, get some shut eye, we hit it in four hours. Trip has watch. Understood?"

Five voices answered, "roger." The four men laid in the sand and relaxed as much as they could. It wasn't just the insurgents you had to watch out for, snakes and scorpions were silent killers in this dusty place.

Matt looked at Sam. "Gotta whiz."

"Got your back." Sam stood and followed Matt into the darkness.

Once they were out of earshot, Matt stopped and peed while Sam kept watch. No one went anywhere alone in the desert. When he was done, Matt said, "you gotta?"

"Yeah." Sam peed then tapped Matt's shoulder.

"You want to talk about your hand?" Matt whispered.

Sam looked towards the fire and the three figures who should be asleep by now. He never took a chance that someone could hear. He walked several paces further from the fire. He cast one last look at the fire and whispered, "the Colonel."

"Fucking asshole." Matt spat although it was whispered.

"I can't..I can't do it anymore Matt. He's blackened my soul. There isn't anything left." Sam ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes there is. You have your family. They're safe because of you. He would've ripped them apart, but they're still here, because of you. Because you're so strong. And you have me buddy. I'm not going anywhere." Matt said in a low, but confident tone. He just hoped that they could figure out a way to get Sam out of this before it destroyed him completely.

He took a choked breath and a tear dropped down his cheek. "They're safe." Sam repeated. Yes, he kept the Colonel from causing them harm, but the price was a high one. When the Colonel wanted something, no matter what it was, he had to agree. He thought about some of the things he did. Oh god, his family would never forgive him. He was surprised when Matt forgave him. He often wondered how he'd found a friend as amazing as Matt. One that knew all his secrets and still wanted to be his friend. He didn't deserve Matt's friendship.

##### **_Skip this section if you skipped the first part._**

All through his childhood, there was only one thing the Colonel wanted from number one rule was that he had to take his clothes off when he entered the house and remain naked until he left. He didn't understand the Colonel's fascination with his privates but the Colonel was always touching them. He never really liked it, it made him feel funny and the Colonel always touched his own privates until white stuff came out. He didn't understand what that was until he was seven and he finally got the courage to ask where babies came from. One of his friends at school said they caught their dad peeing white stuff one day, but his dad wouldn't explain.

Sam knew he wasn't supposed to ask because he'd have to tell his dad about his "special visits" with the Colonel and that was not allowed. The day he asked the Colonel if he could tell his sister about the visits was the day he got his first spanking. The Colonel said that he couldn't ever tell anyone and had proceeded to spank his bare bottom with his hand. Then he rubbed his butt, turned him over and played with his privates. It was weird, but his butt hurt for several days after.

When he asked his dad about the white stuff, his dad had sat him down and told him about the birds and the bees. He didn't really understand because his dad said that men and women have sex, but he was a boy and so was the Colonel. So, he asked. Sam guessed later that his dad just thought he was being curious and didn't think anything of it. But Sam thought about it. His dad said that yes sometimes two men or two women would fall in love and have sex but it was different. He never mentioned boys and men.

He saw the Colonel three times a week, sometimes more when the Colonel told Sam that he missed him very much. The Colonel had also apologized for spanking him and told him his sister could come with him. Sam was so happy. The next time he went to the Colonel's he took three year old Sarah with him. But something happened when the Colonel was playing with Sarah. She started crying, but the Colonel wouldn't stop playing with her privates and his until the white stuff came out.

Sam had to make sure Sarah never told their parents about the visits. They thought Sam and Sarah were at a friends house playing. It was almost all true. He had to bribe her every time because the Colonel would get upset if she didn't come too. When he had his ninth birthday, the Colonel had a great present for him. He said that he was going to show Sam what love really meant. First, he played with Sarah, which Sam hated because she still cried. Then, he gave Sam his present. He put his privates in Sam's butt and moved it in and out until the white stuff came out. It hurt a lot and was a gross mess. That time, Sam yelled and screamed for the Colonel to stop but he wouldn't. Then he and the Colonel took a shower to clean up the mess and the Colonel showed him how to kiss the Colonel's privates to make the white stuff come out again. He didn't like that either, because the Colonel slapped his face for spitting out the yucky tasting white stuff. Then the Colonel kissed his privates until the white stuff came out.

When they left, he pulled Sarah after him and told the Colonel they weren't ever coming back and he was telling his parents. The Colonel stood at the door and wouldn't let them out until Sam agreed he wouldn't tell. When several days went by and neither showed up, the Colonel got worried. But, when the police or the parents didn't show up, he knew he was safe. He waited until he saw Sam and Sarah walking to the park before he went to the car he borrowed from a friend. He waited for just the right time and mowed the little girl down. The day after the funeral, Sam showed up at the Colonel's house. Sam went to the house three days a week without complaint because he knew the Colonel would kill him too if he didn't. It was the beginning, and the end.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Ok,boosted this and did a revamp. This is AU, but I don't want to go too far off the rails from the show. You will see changes, but not the near orgy I posted before. Please re-read and review!

Five men slunk stealthily through the sand to the target house. "Status Tod (German for death. Pronounced Toote (long o))?"

Sam was laying on his belly on the dune high above the small village with his eye to his scope. He scanned the area around the house. "Clear to move." He watched the blacked out figures move slowly and carefully to their positions around the house. He yawned and thought about the rough time he had sleeping those four hours. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the Colonel, felt his touch, felt his mouth where it didn't belong. He shuddered and shook his head to get it out of his head. He had to concentrate.

Hound, Peach and Zona waited at the front door while Crimson and Trip made for the back door. Once Crimson signaled that they were ready, they entered silently and dispatched every person in the house without a sound. They moved quickly and quietly until every person in the five house village was dead. Once they were done, they moved back through the houses and made sure to identify all of the bodies.

The whole reason for this mission was that at least four high ranking officers lived in the village, but they were surprised to find that there were two lieutenants and a captain there too. They found a bunch of documents that they needed to take back to be analyzed. It made them excited to think that they put a dent in the cell's activities.

"Good job boys." Trip grinned as Crimson made his way around the second floor, checking bodies and taking pictures of faces for their documentation.

"Seal team who?" Peach bragged and smiled at Zona. Everyone laughed heartily. It was a nice break in their gruesome work of doing IDs.

With a gasp, Sam moved his scope to the dune opposite his when he saw a glint in the sun. "RPG! Go go go!" He yelled into his headset. He sighted the glint, but it was over a mile away. His best shot was at an even mile and he'd been three inches off dead center. He knew this would mean life or death for his team. He took his eye off the scope for a second and used binoculars to check the team. He saw two exit a house, but neither were Matt.

He went back to his scope, lined up the shot and took as much time as he dared lining it up. He used sniper breathing to keep his heartbeat down so that his hands and arms were steady. He squeezed the trigger ten seconds before the rocket was launched. He watched the bullet travel across the valley and strike true just as the rocket left the launcher. The person holding the launcher lifted his arm at the last second and the rocket went up in the air, did a circle because of the momentum of the arm that held it and landed on the vehicle next to the dead man causing it to blow up.

##### in the village #####

Crimson and Trip had moved to the first floor when they heard Tod yell about the RPG. They ran for the front door and booked it to the house across from theirs at the foot of the dune Sam was sniping from. As they started up the first part of the dune, Crimson turned to try to see Hound, Zona and Peach. He walked backwards several steps and as he did he heard a rifle fire, the RPG go off, twirl in the air, land on the vehicle parked near the edge and then the vehicle explode. He saw three men running full tilt from the house closest to the RPG wielding man and saw them jump to the ground when the vehicle exploded.

Trip gave a sigh of relief and looked at Crimson when he felt eyes on him. He nodded and smiled when Crimson did the same. They walked back down the hill and met up with Hound, Zona and Peach. "You guys ok?" He looked at the three of them critically.

"Oh yeah." Peach nodded. "Let's get the hell outta here before someone sees the smoke." He looked back at the fiery wreckage.

Zona smiled and clapped Peach on the shoulder companionably. "You said it brother. Let's book." They walked back to the bottom of the dune and started making their way back up to Tod.

Sam smiled, but kept his eye on the other side of the valley. He was relieved they were ok. He heard the guys talk excitedly about how far that shot was and what records Sam just broke. He snorted at the record comment. He didn't do it to set a record, he did it to save his brother's lives. Although he thought of Crimson as his brother from another mother, his unit guys were important to him too. He couldn't ever tell the rest of the guys about the things he'd been through, but he trusted them with his life. He knew every one of them would lay down their life for him and that he would do the same. They'd been through six years of missions together which had cemented their relationship.

##### Toronto, Canada #####

Jules stretched languidly on the bed, completely relaxed and satiated. Wow, she thought, he sure knew how to wear a girl out. She smiled at that thought. She was glad that she had met and started seeing her old friend. A hand reached out and teased at her breast. She turned her head and looked at Steve. She smiled at him as he continued to pinch and knead her breast. "Careful, you may start something you're not ready," she looked down, "to handle, again."

"Well, maybe I'm ready." Steve said hungrily. He switched to her other breast and used his other hand to roam over her lithe body, sitting up so he could reach. God she was beautiful. He moved his hand lower and found her hot button.

She arched her back as he started stoking her fire. She gasped when his fingers slid in her heat. Oh yes, he knew how to use those paramedic hands. She moaned, moving closer to the edge of oblivion. Suddenly she couldn't take any more and felt herself crest over and over before returning to earth.

Steve took the opportunity to put one of her legs on each shoulder and slide into her. When she groaned he started rocking his hips. She was ready for him and he for her. They found a rhythm and rode it to a mutual release which left them completely exhausted. He stayed lying on her, not wanting to break their connection.

With a sigh, she wrapped her arms around him.

"You ok?" He asked, concerned by her sigh.

"Oh yeah." Jules smiled contentedly.

Steve lifted his head with a soft laugh and kissed her sweetly.

Now she knew she was really exhausted. She didn't even register the kiss Steve just gave her. She didn't really feel anything when he kissed her, but it was still nice. She reached for her panties and t-shirt, but was only able to get the panties on. She laid on her back, lifted her legs and shimmied the panties on. Then, she just laid there.

With a smile, Steve stood from the bed and got dressed. "You busy Friday? I was thinking we could check out the new Shawarma place on Bleeker."

"I'm not sure." Jules shrugged.

"Ok." Steve tried not to sound disappointed. He'd loved Jules since high school, but he wasn't going to rush her to feel the same.

She caught the disappointment and didn't blame him, to her they weren't dating, just having fun. She knew he wanted more, but they'd talked about it and he'd said he understood. It wasn't fair for him to start pushing the issue. It made her not want to see him. Hell, maybe she'd go to the bar this weekend with Winnie and Kira. They were always fun to hang with. She looked at Steve. "How about Monday? I've got plans for the weekend."

A surge of jealousy shot through Steve. "With?"

She frowned at him. Was that jealousy? "I'm going out with the girls Saturday night and I plan on nursing a big hangover on Sunday. I'm not going to want company. Just me and my bed all day." It was a little more abrupt than she usually was, but she needed an excuse for some space.

"Well, if you decide your bed is too lonely, give me a call." Steve kept it light although he wanted to beg. He wished silently that Jules would call him.

"Sure." She agreed, although she knew she wouldn't.

"Ok." He nodded, turned and left.

That was a little odd, she thought. She pushed it out if her mind as she went to the bed and stripped it. She took the sheets to the stairs and let them drop over the balcony. She turned and walked to the linen closet, pulled out fresh sheets and remade the bed. She stood in her room for a moment contemplating whether she really wanted to go downstairs and start the sheets.

After a moment, her thoughts turned to the horrible day they had today. She walked to the bedside table and picked up her phone. She texted, "hey Spike. How you doing?"

"Ok. U?"

"Ok. Rough day."

"Yeah. Neither were ur fault u know."

"I guess."

"No guessing. Your talk was perfect."

"Not perfect enough." A tear slipped down her cheek.

"Calling you."

A moment later her phone rang and she sat on her bed. "Hey." She forced her voice to sound cheery.

"Talk to me Jules." Spike said with empathy.

Jules pulled a leg up to her chest and put an arm around it. "I screwed up." She sobbed.

Spike shook his head, but waited for her to continue.

"I didn't connect with him. I couldn't save Larry. It's my fault he, that we had to kill him. And then I go and lose Kayla. I shouldn't have talked to her. She- the Sarge should've done the talking. I don't know if I can do this anymore Spike. I can't let someone else die!" Jules put a hand to her head and cried so hard it left her hiccuping.

"Jules, listen, none of it is your fault. Larry was very unstable. He had already lost so much, his life didn't mean that much to him-"

"I was supposed to show him that it did mean a lot!" She interrupted, new tears forming. She sniffed.

"The only thing he really wanted was to die. That was his only request and we couldn't give it to him. He forced us to comply. There wasn't anything you could do." He insisted.

Jules thought back to the call. Larry was on the edge before they even got to the statue. When they arrived, he was sitting on top of the statue's shoulder with a gun pointed at a terrified female hostage on the other shoulder and was threatening to kill the hostage. She had tried to get him to tell her who the woman was and why he was holding her hostage. He wouldn't tell her. Spike was able to use facial recognition to identify both parties, but he couldn't find a connection. She got him to lower the weapon, but she couldn't get him to talk about why they were there and what she could do to resolve it. In the end, he had said "I'm sorry", pointed the gun at the hostage and put his finger on the trigger. Greg had called Scorpio and it was over.

"Jules?" Spike heard her rapid breathing and was worried. This wasn't their first late night conversation about a bad day. They talked almost every night. It was awesome to have bestfriends like Jules and Lou. He could tell them everything and they him.

"Yeah sorry." She wiped her face. "I know in my brain you're right, but I can't get my heart to agree."

"I know. It'll take time." He reassured.

"I can't negotiate anymore. I can't connect. I can't save them." She shook her head. "Kayla jumped. I couldn't talk her out of it." She sniffed and hugged her knees.

"You did everything you could for her. You did the best you could Jules. That's all we can ask."

"No. I'm done. I can't do it anymore." Jules said with finality and hung up. When the phone rang again a minute later she looked at the caller ID. She knew Spike would call back or come over if she didn't answer so she hit the talk button but didn't say anything.


	7. Chapter 7

AN:Thank you all for your honest reviews. I've realized that my previous chapter was really far off from the characters we all know and love. So, I have rewritten it and taken out all of the hanky panky Team One would never engage in. I encourage you to go back and re-read that chapter before you continue with this one.

"I'm coming over and I swear to god I will use strip charges to open your door if you don't let me in." Spike said seriously when he heard silence on the line. He couldn't let Jules quit. She'd done so much good already. When he didn't hear anything but sniffling he hung up and immediately texted the Sarge, "Jules needs us. Meet her house ASAP."

He turned and locked his apartment five minutes later and hurried down the flight of stairs to the bottom floor of his apartment building. He heard his phone beep and looked at it. It was from the Sarge, "on my way. What's up?" He got in his car and closed the door. "Really rough day." He didn't want to worry the Sarge too much. He knew his first message had probably already sparked some worry. He pulled out of the parking lot and sped to Jules' house.

Jules laid in her bed and looked at the ceiling. She felt like she'd fallen in a deep dark hole and she didn't know if she could claw her way out. She scoffed at that thought and the irony of it. Wasn't she just feeling happy and content almost an hour ago when Steve was here? She sighed, stood and went downstairs. She knew Spike would be coming soon and that they'd probably be up late talking, better make some coffee.

She grabbed the sheets at the bottom of the stairs and walked to the kitchen where her laundry machines were kept. She opened the folding door and dropped the sheets. She walked to the coffeemaker and got it started, then put the sheets in the wash. When the coffee was done, she fixed herself a cup, walked through the kitchen to the dining room and sat down. Five minutes later the doorbell rang. She stood and walked to the door. She stopped, took a deep breath and opened the door.

##### Jules' yard ten minutes earlier #####

Spike stopped the car in front of Jules' house and turned off the engine. When he saw another car stop on the other side of the street he stepped out and walked towards it. He stopped and waited while the Boss got out of his car.

"What's going on?" Greg stood from his car, concern etching his face.

"Jules texted me. She's really having a hard time with those two calls today." Spike said worried. He'd been listening from the truck when Kayla stood on the ledge and let herself fall backwards. Sharp intakes of breath could be heard over the comms, but it was drowned out by Jules' yell of "NO!". As soon as he heard that he rushed out of the truck in time to see Kayla's body slap on the pavement and bounce a little. It was awful and something he found hard to forget.

Greg closed the car door and they started walking towards the house. He was a little confused as Jules had seemed fine in debrief.

"Boss." Spike put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. Spike bit his lip.

"What's up Spike?" Greg stopped and looked at Spike, studying the Italian's face. He looked extra stressed.

Spike took a breath. "She said..uh, that she was done. She couldn't do it anymore."

He took a sharp intake of breath, then gathered himself. Greg nodded and turned towards the door. He would not let Jules just walk away. He would do everything in his power to prevent it. If he was honest, he was a little angry that Jules had lied to him. She'd said she was ok when he pulled her aside after debrief. He understood it was a tough day, but if she was feeling this way she should've said something. He was glad that she had reached out to Spike when she did. He quickened his pace and knocked as soon as he was close enough.

"One sec!" They heard from inside.

A moment later Jules opened the door. She looked at both of them then looked away. She put out a hand and invited them in.

##### Afghanistan, dune above tiny village #####

Sam heard them approach and looked up when they stopped next to him.

"How we looking Tod?" Hound asked as they took a break.

"Clear, but we shouldn't stay long. That smoke can be seen for at least 10 clicks." Sam stood, but kept his eye on the horizon.

"Great shot." Matt strode over next to Sam and smiled big. "What was that? Like 2 ½ kilometers?" He looked across the valley and smiled bigger.

"Thanks Crimson." Sam smiled at his friend and clapped him on the shoulder. "Yep. My best was 2 kilometers."

"Damn!" Zona commented as he pulled a power bar from his bag. "That's awesome!"

Sam smiled at the praise. "Thanks." He put his fist up and bumped it with Zona's, then fist bumped Hound, Trip and Peach.

They all ducked when a bullet zipped by them and pinged off the ground. It was followed by automatic fire, but those bullets were falling short, they could hear them clinging at the bottom of the valley. They knew that their weapons would do the same and saved their ammo.

"Tod." Hound said as they retreated from the top of the dune. It was good cover as their sniper could barely reach the dune.

"Copy." Tod nodded and climbed back up to the top of the dune. He knew it was risky, but this was his job. He put the rifle on top of the dune and out his eye to the scope. Unfortunately, this left the most vulnerable part of his body partly exposed, but he didn't plan on staying in that position long. He sighted the target laying in the back of the covered transport truck with only a rifle showing through a small lifted portion in the tarp. He knew he'd get one shot at this so it had to be perfect. He looked up the rifle and saw a very small darkened opening. He knew the sniper would have his eye to the sight, so he aimed for it and fired.

After the shot echoed across the valley and died off, there was only silence. It was deafening to those waiting for confirmation of the kill. After a moment, cries of anguish and hatred raced across the valley, but they were almost completely silenced by the cheers of Sam's unit. The cheers didn't last long though as the unit high tailed it across the desert. They knew they'd have at least a half hour head start as that was how long they had figured out it would take to get around the valley, but they didn't waste any time getting to a safe location for the night.

They knew as many hiding places as the terrorist cell did. They'd erased their tracks as they went so they couldn't be tracked and their hiding place had at least two different escape routes.

"Peach has watch. We move in four so get some rest ladies. It's gonna be a long night." Hound said after he spoke to command. He laid on the ground with his pack behind his head, his rifle by his side and closed his eyes

Five men answered, "copy" and four followed the Sarge's lead. Peach woke them in four hours and they moved carefully to the extraction point. They checked the area very carefully and finding no one they sat and waited for the helicopter.

##### terrorist cell stronghold, unknown location #####

Amale stopped the covered truck next to a two story house built into the rock face. It had only a small window and a hidden door so it was hard to tell it was actually a fairly large space inside. He looked at the house and sighed. He did not want to face his brother right now. The news about the slaughter at their headquarters would enrage his brother and he knew all too well what the result of that was. He stepped out of the truck and slammed the door closed. "Ishmael, put the truck away." He snapped at one of the men that emerged from the house when he drove up.

Ishmael moved quickly to do as his boss said. He looked at Amale's face and knew that he was in a terrible temper. He wondered what could've happened to put Ishmael in such a bad mood.

"Hurry up before a drone sees it!" Amale yelled before he went inside. He knew it wasn't fair to take it out on an innocent, but he didn't care. He walked through the house, past the heavily armed guards and stopped long enough to ask where his brother was. He walked up the stairs to the study and knocked before he entered.

"Amale! What did the General say? Can he send his troops?" Sanil smiled when he saw his brother walk in. He knew there had to be good news from headquarters if Amale was back already. He stood, but stopped when he saw the look on Amale's face. "What's wrong? What happened?" He asked anxiously.

"Brother, I come bearing bad news. The headquarters is gone. Taken out by the filthy infidels. We checked every house. No one was left alive. I'm so sorry."

He was shell shocked. Sanil stumbled back with the weight of the loss he felt. His wife and six children were in that village visiting her sister and her General husband. One of his men stepped forward and led him to a chair to sit down. "Myalia. The children." He put a hand to his head. "My sweet baby Jali."

"No, they're ok." Amale shook his head. "She and Raadiya had already taken the children to see her two other sisters in the next village before it happened. They should be back tomorrow."

Sanil sighed in relief and put a hand to his heart. He was sure he would've felt it if something had happened to Myalia. He looked at his brother. "Send Ishmael to get them. I don't want them out there anymore. Tell her sisters to pack up and bring the children. They're living here now until we can rid the region of the infidels."

"Absolutely Sanil." Amale smiled, but it faded.

Seeing it, Sanil leaned forward. "Who was there?"

"Ashqar, Shaqeeq, Nizaam and Quraish Naqvi, Taweed Tabet, Rushdi Toure, Abdar Begum, Fuaad Farra, Numair Hakeem and ten low level soldiers." Amale named. He knew telling Ishtar his cousin was killed would be painful for the young man, but he would handle it.

"Damn it!" Sanil pounded his fist on the wooden arm of the chair. "We'll need to lay low awhile. Fuck. We will not stay silent for long." He grit his teeth.

"Don't worry, we'll have our revenge brother. One of our scouts hasn't returned yet. It's been three days, but he was searching for their base. If he finds it we can gather our troops and lay siege. We can catch them unawares and slow them down for at least a month. That will give us time to recruit and promote more officers." Amale moved forward to stand next to his brother. He put a hand on Sanil's shoulder.

"Yes." Sanil smiled up at his brother. He was so proud that Amale was joining him in this fight. It wasn't until a mortar landed in the middle of their parents home and blew them to bits that Amale was convinced. Until then he was insistent that it was a lost cause, that Allah did not want them to fight. Now he knew the infidels wouldn't stop killing until every one of them was dead. Men, women and children, it didn't matter. And now, to Amale, it didn't matter either.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh man, people are going to be talking about that shot for years to come!" Zona smiled as they sat in the helo back to base.

Sam smirked put his hand up and swept the imaginary dust off his shoulder causing the others to laugh. "Ain't no thang." He said cockily. While Zona, Peach and Trip went on about the mission, Sam's thoughts turned inward. Although it was terrible to think, he wished they were staying out in the desert longer. He put his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about tonight, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't deny the Colonel. That was impossible.

His lower extremity stirred at the thought and he stifled a growl. Why did his body always defy him? Why couldn't he keep it from reacting to the Colonel's touch? It made his skin crawl to think of the Colonel's hands on his skin. He'd tried over the years to think of other things, to just ignore what was happening, but it didn't work.

"Hey." Matt whispered. He could see that Sam had his stone mask firmly in place, but it didn't fool him.

"Not here." Sam whispered back. He knew Matt would know something was up, but Matt would know better than to discuss it now.

Matt nodded, crossed his arms and put his head back too. Sam was always in a dark mood when the Colonel was around. He couldn't blame Sam though, his heart hurt for what Sam went through. He couldn't imagine. A shiver overtook that made his body shake involuntarily. That sick bastard would get his some day, he would make sure of it. He silently moved his hand to the pocket holding his k-bar. It'd be a pleasure to watch the life drain from that monster's neck.

Trip looked across the space to Crimson. He had a dark, dark look on his face. One he only saw when they were working in close quarters with the enemy. "Crimson." When he didn't get a response, he leaned forward and slapped Matt's knee, causing the man to look at him. "You alright man?"

He shook his head and looked at Trip, nodding. "Yeah, I'm good." Matt fixed his face so that his thoughts weren't so plain.

With a skeptical lift of his brow, Trip said, "ok." He didn't believe Matt at all. He noticed that when Sam was in a bad mood, Matt usually was too. Although, he knew Matt was always the one able to pull Sam out of a bad mood. Those two were the closest friends he'd ever seen. He was glad, it seemed like they both needed to have someone close like that. Someone to share the pain with. He didn't know specifics, but he knew Sam dealt with a lot in his life. Sam wasn't as good as hiding it as he thought. Maybe he would share some of what he'd been through, let Sam know he understood.

The helo landed and the unit headed to their tent. "Debrief in 20 gentleman so get your gear stowed and meet in the tent." Hound announced as he put his own gear away. He turned and strode from the tent to let the brass know they were back.

Sam took a breath and looked at his clock. He had six hours before his presence was required and he wasn't going to spend them giving the Colonel any more thought. He plastered a smile on his face, picked up the football from his foot locker and looked at Matt.

"Yeah!" Zona said excitedly and hurriedly put his stuff away. They had time to throw the ball around a bit before debrief.

Trip smiled and nodded as he closed his locker and waited for them to finish.

The four of them walked past the row of tents to an open area and started tossing the ball back and forth. It was a nice distraction for them and a way to unwind a little after their tense trek in the desert. They gave up after about ten minutes and headed to debrief.

A couple of hours later they returned to the tent after debrief and supper for some down time. Sam had lifted a brow at Matt and they split off to go for a run.

Matt was trying to concentrate on his breathing, but he knew Sam had a reason for wanting to go on this run. He knew it was one way Sam processed things in his head and let out his emotions. There'd been many times when their runs were brutally fast and punishing. It was as if Sam thought he could outrun the horrible things in his life and that wasn't ever going to be possible. "Talk to me Sam." Matt puffed out.

Sam sighed. Matt knew there was a purpose to their run. He always knew. "I'm supposed to see," he looked around and saw they were alone, "him at midnight." When Matt didn't say anything he shook his head and stopped, putting his hands on his hips. He looked down, unable to meet his best friend's eyes. "I can't stop it." He said quietly.

"I know, but we're working on it." Matt tipped his head to the side. He wanted to put a hand on Sam's shoulder and comfort him in some way, but he knew that touching Sam right now was out of the question. When he talked about the Colonel, he felt dirty and any touch would make him feel dirtier than he already does.

"No." Sam closed his eyes tight, willing the tears not to come. "When- when he- I can't stop my- the reaction. I don't want to Matty, but I can't help it. I try." He sniffed. "I try so hard. Think of anything but-" he trailed off.

Oh god, Matt thought. That fucking bastard. He couldn't help but let it slip out. "Fucking bastard." He breathed. He looked at Sam's face. The agony there was overwhelming. He'd have to watch Sam tonight. The temptation would be there in full force. He looked up for a moment. Help me dad, he thought. He's been through so much, too much. I don't know if I can hold him here much longer. My grip is slipping. Maybe it's not fair for me to try to keep him here, going through all of this. If anyone deserved to be free of pain it was Sam.

##### Toronto #####

Jules sat wearily at the table with the Sarge across from her and Spike seated next to her.

"Jules." Greg gave her a slightly annoyed, but supportive look. They'd been sitting at her table for nearly ten minutes now, silently sipping their coffee. "Ok," he sighed, "why did you lie to me if you were feeling this way?" He was a little miffed that she'd lied, but concerned too. They'd spent many nights at this very table talking about calls gone wrong and life stuff. He wondered if she was having trouble with Steve but couldn't mention it because he wasn't entirely sure Spike knew.

"I'm sorry Boss." Jules wiped at a tear that escaped. She hated the sound of disappointment in his voice. She didn't miss the tint of annoyance either. She'd promised him a while ago that she would be honest, but sometimes she just didn't want to talk about it. It's not like the others were total open books. Ed was terrible about hiding his feelings and using anger instead. She looked at Spike who pulled her into a hug.

"It's ok Jules." Spike hugged her close. "We all have bad days."

"We don't always get to win." Greg gently reminded her. "The first subject was volatile. He didn't give us a chance. The second," he sighed, knowing that one was harder for her, "she was too far gone Jules. She'd already made the decision, no matter what you said. She was.." He looked away. He couldn't say too much in front of Spike. Her past was hers and not for him to share. She'd told him things in confidence he knew she used on many calls. Every good negotiator did it. He just didn't know how she kept picking at the scab so to speak.

Jules nodded and pulled back from Spike. She looked at Greg and knew he was thinking the same thing. Crap. Why did it always come back to that? Why did everything? She absently touched the scar on her wrist she kept carefully hidden. Greg's look said, "Spike is your friend, he won't judge you". Double fucking crap.

She pulled in a breath and looked at Spike. "I get that the first subject made the decision for us." She steadied herself. "The other, Kayla, that, uh, hit home for me."

Spike frowned. Where was she going with this? He got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Why? I mean, if it's something you don't want to tell me-"

"No. I, it's just hard for me to talk about. But, you're my best friend Spike." Jules gave him a small smile. "So, you know my mom died when I was 15 right?"

"Yeah." Spike said cautiously. Oh shit, he thought, fear creeping into his thoughts.

"I just, I-I want you to know that I'm ok. I wouldn't ever-." Jules looked at him, fear and tears in her eyes as she removed the wide banded watch she never took off her left wrist.

"Jules." Spike breathed. He grabbed her wrist and ran his thumb over the raised white lines on her wrist. He could feel her pulse was pounding and he looked up at her. "Your mom?" He asked carefully, afraid she wouldn't want to say any more.

"Yeah. She was my everything. She did so much for my brothers and I." She left it at that, not wanting to burden him with too much. "It wasn't fair that she would be taken away like that. And I was a crazy hormonal teenager, so that didn't help." She put the watch back on.

"I was lucky. I'd already made the first cut when my oldest brother Futoi found me. But I went crazy and pointed the knife at him so his wife called the police." She looked down. "If it wasn't for Constable Mary Williams, I wouldn't still be here. She helped me so much. She was the reason I joined the RCMP and eventually the SRU. She was a profiler and negotiator." She smiled at the last part.

Spike nodded. He definitely understood Jules better now. He put his hand on hers. "I'm sorry you went through that Jules. I can't imagine how hard that was." He thanked his lucky stars both his parent were still here and that he'd had so much time with them. He smiled at her encouragingly. "So you saw yourself in Kayla."

"Yeah." Jules nodded sadly. She was Kayla ten years ago.

"It's normal to think that Jules. But, there's a difference." Greg said gently. When she looked at him curiously he continued, "There was a glimmer of hope for you. Mary saw that Jules, and that's how she was able to get you the help you needed. There wasn't anything left for Kayla. Her abusive parents were dead, her brother arrested for her assault, she was living on the street, no money, no friends, she had hit bottom and broken through to an even deeper one."

She shook her head vehemently. "No, there was something I could've said."

"No." Spike squeezed her hand. "She barely even looked at you. She was already gone. There wasn't a connection to be made."

Jules pulled her hand from Spike's, put her hands over her face and cried. Her heart broke for Kayla. If only there'd been someone along the way that could've stopped Kayla's slide into darkness. She felt so lucky that she had her brothers for support after her attempt. She wouldn't be here without them either. After a few minutes she wiped her eyes, stood and walked to Greg. She wouldn't be here without him, Spike and the rest of the team too. "Thank you Boss." She hugged him tight when he stood. She walked back to Spike, who stood, and hugged him tight. "Thank you."

Spike hugged her, a little afraid to let go. As they sat, he looked nervously at her.

After she wiped her face and blew her nose, she caught Spike's nervous look. "What?"

"Uh, well, who besides us knows.." Spike's eyes darted to her wrist and back to her eyes.

"Just the two of you and I'd rather keep it that way." Jules nodded.

"Absolutely." Spike's gaze softened. "You going to be ok Jules?"

She smiled. "Yes."

 **AN: Hope you liked it! As always, please leave me a review! I love them and use them to make me a better writer!**


	9. Chapter 9

WARNING: Sexual content - male on male rape description (I will try to keep it short and as tame as possible). If you would rather skip it, please proceed to the ####

Sam was smiling. For the first time in his life since the abuse began, he was on his way to see the Colonel and he was smiling. He knew it was probably sick, twisted and demented considering what was about to happen, but he was actually looking forward to this.

It'd been horrible for him to have to tell Matty about how his body reacted to the Colonel. It was so painful to talk about. But, Matty was his best friend for a reason. They came up with an ingenious plan. He walked into the Colonel's quarters at 11:59pm, his face a stone mask but internally he was laughing.

"Well, there you are." The Colonel was facing away from the door, but he knew that scent anywhere. It was his soldier. He was hard instantly. His soldier had dared not to take a shower one night before coming to him and had stunk of sweat and the desert. He'd made his soldier pay for his dirtiness, over and over in that shower. That brought him to full staff and he turned the chair, a brow raised.

When he saw that his soldier was at attention he loved it. "At ease." He said coyly. "Well? You haven't said anything about my outfit." He whined.

He took a breath and looked at the Colonel. Sam would've laughed if he knew he wouldn't be punished for it. The Colonel was sitting in the chair with his dress shirt, hat and jacket on, but no pants. He saw that the Colonel was already ready for him and he looked away.

"No no. Look. I want you to." The Colonel slouched a bit in the chair to make his member go higher in the air. He saw Sam's eyes track back to his crotch and his member twitched. The boy may luck out tonight, he was nearly undone just looking at him. Too much remembering earlier, he thought. "Come here." He emphasized the first word. When Sam walked to him he reached out and undid Sam's pants, then pulled his underwear down. When he grabbed on, there was no reaction. He started working his magic, but there was still no reaction. After a few minutes, he was starting to lose his cool.

Well, isn't that too bad, Sam thought coldly. He looked down at the Colonel who was yanking and pulling, both hands full.

With a fury not seen before the Colonel stood and punched Sam in the eye twice, and once in the jaw making the younger man fall to the floor. "What did you do?" The Colonel yelled angrily. He advanced on Sam and kicked him hard in the chest and stomach. "Tell me, you stupid boy. What did you do?"

Nope, not telling you, Sam thought happily as he lay on his side, although getting beat up wasn't much better. He knew he couldn't fight back because if he did he would definitely kill the Colonel. His hand to hand close quarters combat skills were deadly. He'd made sure that those skills were honed during training.

The Colonel felt himself rising looking at Sam's bare backside."Well, it seems I need to teach you a lesson. We haven't had to do this in a while." He stepped forward and sat on Sam's arms and chest, his member resting on Sam's cheek.

"No." Sam whispered, even though he didn't mean to. The last punishment had been horrible. He'd decided he wasn't going to shower and see how the Colonel liked him stinking to high heaven. It didn't go over well. He'd been left beaten and bloodied in the Colonel's running shower that night. The Colonel had forced him to do the one thing he refused and stood firm on, the Colonel could do what he wanted to him but he would never reciprocate. That night he'd had to if he wanted to survive.

"Yes." The Colonel's eyes flashed. He pulled his jacket then shirt over his head and was completely naked. "Do it. Or I have your precious Matt sent to me. He would be fun to play with I think. Young," he leaned down to Sam's ear, his hard part pushed into Sam's eye, "nubile, inexperienced." He sat up suddenly. "Unless that's what you did." He smiled at the thought. "Ooh. You naughty boy. You fucked him so you wouldn't be able to fuck me. Mmm. Very clever, but it's not going to work." He stood up. "Get undressed." He walked to his desk and returned, both hands clenched in fists.

Sam put up a hand. "I'm getting undressed." He stated matter of factly. He'd never tell the Colonel that he'd taken a few dirty magazines and worn himself out to them.

"Open your mouth." The Colonel demanded. When Sam hesitated he swung his fist and hit Sam in the head. When Sam opened his mouth, the Colonel dropped two pills in. "Swallow." He commanded then smirked as he moved forward, demanding something else.

He did as he was told and Sam was glad when his body didn't react. He had a bad feeling that wasn't going to be true for much longer. The two blue pills he swallowed would start working soon. He did his best like he and Matt discussed. He thought about glaciers, his parents and sisters, anything to distract him from what was happening. Unfortunately he was proven right when he became stiff a few minutes later. The Colonel didn't stop hitting him until he did what he was told. He had begged Matty silently for his forgiveness as he gave in and several minutes later found his release.

"Damn you're good." The Colonel laughed and stood, walking to the bathroom. When he walked back into the office, he saw that his soldier was already dressed. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to my rack sir." Sam said matter of factly, not looking at the Colonel. When the man stepped in front of him, he kept his faraway look.

"Yeah well maybe I want you to stay. Keep my bed warm for me." He grabbed his soldier's crotch, not surprised when it stirred. Those weren't just viagra he gave Sam. He pulled and was delighted when his soldier followed. "Yes, I think I'm not done with you yet." He held on tight and led Sam to the bathroom.

#####

Matt rolled over in his bunk and looked at his clock, 0100, where was Sam? He should've been back in like 15 minutes if his plan worked. His feeling of dread grew. Something was telling him to go find Sam, something was very wrong. He scrambled out of bed quietly and grabbed his flashlight.

He checked by all of the unit tents then moved on to the mess and briefing tent. He stopped at the briefing tent when he heard a low moan. Oh shit. He ran inside, swinging his light around the large space. He stopped and went back when he caught a glimpse of blonde hair. "Sam!" He whispered and ran to his friend. "Oh god. Are you ok? What happened?"

Sam was surprised when he saw the light and then Matt run over to him. He'd crawled into the first tent he came to and huddled in the corner, waiting for the end he was sure was coming. He was bleeding a lot this time. "Just leave me." He grunted. The pain wasn't too bad if he didn't move.

"No Sam. I'm not leaving you. Can you stand? Is this blood yours? Jesus." Matt looked at the small pool of blood seeping into the sand. Oh god, it was really bad this time. Sam needed a medical evac. "I'm going to be to get Trip." He stood but was pulled back down when Sam grabbed onto his shirt.

"NO!" Sam said desperately. "You gotta let me go Matty. I can't. I can't do it any more. Please. My pearl handled colt, in my safe." He pulled his dog tags out and took them off, a small key clinked against the metal tags.

"No fucking way Sam. You are not letting that bastard win, you hear me?" When he didn't get an answer he shook Sam, "you hear me god damn it?"

"Hey! What's going on?" A voice from the door said.

"Shit!" Matt stood and walked to the door. "Who's there?"

"Matt?" Trip put a hand up to shield his eyes from the light in his face.

"Trip! Oh thank god. Yeah it's me. Come on, Sam is hurt." Matt was relieved. He led Trip to the heap in the corner, but stopped their medic short. "You can't, uh, we have to keep this quiet. Please, it's important. No questions." Matt said seriously.

Trip hadn't ever heard Matt so serious. Oh god, this was bad. He was glad he'd grabbed his med bag. "I promise. But I may need to ask a few questions, just so I know how to treat him." He put a hand up when Matt started to protest. When Matt nodded he knelt down next to Sam. "Hey buddy, it's me Trip. I need to check you out ok?" He looked at Matt. "I need him flat on his back."

Working together they carefully moved Sam so he was on his back. Trip winced when he saw Sam's face. He had a huge black eye and it was buttoned shut. He also had a big bruise on his jaw. He took a breath and started checking Sam over. He kept track in his mind, black eye, bruised, maybe broken jaw, two bruised ribs, one broken. He had Matt help him turn Sam and saw the blood. He pulled Sam's pants down and immediately found himself flat on his back, staring into angry blue eyes.

"Sam! It's ok. It's Trip, he's trying to help you." Matt grabbed Sam's arms and pulled.

"Not there." Sam growled, then laid back.

"Ok Sam." Trip sat up with his hands up. He went back to Sam and carefully checked his stomach and legs. He sat back and sighed. "He's pretty beat up, but otherwise ok. Feels like he broke a rib, bruised a couple more. Other than that," he looked at Matt pointedly, "he'll be ok. He'll need bed rest for a couple days in case.." Of internal bleeding, he didn't finish saying. He didn't like that there was blood, quite a bit. He tipped his head towards the door at Matt, then stood and walked over to it.

"What he isn't saying Sam is that there may be something else wrong inside.." Matt whispered in Sam's ear.

"I'll deal with it." Sam said gruffly. No way was he letting anyone look there. He knew what it was, his punishment.

"Ok Sammy. Here, Trip brought his bag. Take this gauze. You need to stop the bleeding." Matt grabbed gauze from the bag and handed it Sam. He waited while Sam put it in his pants, gritted his teeth then pulled his hand out. Matt kept his face still, but he was cringing inside. "Just rest, I'll be right back." He stood and walked to Trip, out of earshot of Sam. He walked out into the night and waited for Trip to follow.

Trip shot a worried look at Sam and joined Matt. "What's going on Matt?"

"We had a disagreement and got into it, but we're good now." Matt explained quickly.

"You wanna try that one again?" Trip raised a brow at him. "You and I both know that you'd both be in the hospital if you and Sam fought. And it would take more than just a couple 'I'm sorrys' before you guys were good." He looked behind him. "He's bleeding Matt. I'm worried it's something serious. He should be taken to the hospital."

Matt shook his head and blew out a breath. "No hospital. He can't."

"Matt. What the hell is going on?" Trip demanded, his voice rose above a whisper.

"Dammit I-" Matt turned to Trip.

"Hey. What're you two doing?" Hound growled. "Out here in the middle of the night?" He saw their worried faces. "Ok spill." He stopped in front of them.

"Sam is sick. We need to get him back to the tent ASAP." Matt answered. He hated lying to the Sarge, but it had to be done. He couldn't tell him what was really going on.

Hound knew from Matt's eyes that was a lie, but he could see that whatever the reason it was an important one. He nodded and stepped into the tent with Matt and Trip close behind. When he saw Sam's face he bit the side of his cheek to keep from swearing out loud. He leaned down and helped Sam stand with Matt on my the other side and Trip supervising.

Sam groaned when they helped him up, but with their help he was able to make it to the tent and to his bunk. When he left the Colonel's he wasn't bleeding, that had started when he got closer to the tents. The pain he was feeling was immeasurable. His butt hurt really bad this time, but the emotional pain hurt so much more.

He thought he'd beaten the Colonel at his own game, but he was wrong. Oh god, he was proven wrong. Why did he think he could do anything but comply? He always had to comply. There was no escape. No escape. Ever. The tears fell silently and he didn't care if anyone saw. He knew Matt saw and that was ok, but Hound and Trip?

Matt pulled Hound, Trip, and Zona, who had awakened with the commotion, outside the tent. He didn't want to be too far from Sam. "Ok listen, I know you don't believe me and I don't really care. Sam and I had an argument, we fought and he got the worst of it."

"Pffft." Zona looked at Matt incredulously. When Matt gave him a death glare his face dropped.

"Hound, I know this is asking a lot, but Sam is probably going to need.." Matt looked at Trip.

"At least a week." Trip crossed his arms in front of him. He didn't like this at all. Sam could be seriously injured.

Hound nodded. "No problem. I'll just tell them he's sick, but under the care of our medic so they don't send him to the hospital, which I assume is not what we want?" He looked directly at Matt.

"Right." Matt agreed.

"Matt, what if.." Trip asked worriedly.

"If he gets worse we'll deal with it then." Matt answered irritably and went back into their tent. He didn't want to leave Sam alone too long. He rushed to Sam's side when he saw the pearl handled colt in Sam's hand. He put his finger in the open side of the trigger and looked Sam in the eye. "No Sam. Don't."

"Let me go Matty." Sam cried. "You have to! I can't keep doing this."

"No." Matt growled. "I won't let him blacken your soul. He doesn't get to win. Never." His face was inches from Sam's.

"Oh shit." Hound rushed forward but stopped when Matt glared at him. He turned and pushed the others outside. "All right, we're going for a run. Let's go."

"Barefoot?" Matt heard Trip say. He didn't hear the answer. He put his free hand on Sam's face. "You are stronger than this brother."

"No," Sam shook his head, tears falling, "I'm not strong. That's the point."

"No Sammy. That is the point. You have survived all these years, because you're strong. You got through Special Forces training and sniper school. You are the strongest man I know. We will get through this Sam. You and me. No one else knows. I told them we got in a fight and I beat you up."

Sam chuckled. "And they bought that?"

Matt leaned back, incredulous. "Why is that so hard for everyone to believe?"

"Come on man, you kick my ass?" Sam rolled to his back with a wince and released the gun.

"I could happen." Matt silently breathed a sigh of relief, put the gun back in the gun case and locked it. I should move that, he thought.

"I need something Matty." Sam kept his eyes on the ceiling.

"What?" Matt asked nervously. He knew Sam was still on the edge, but Sam knew he'd remove any temptations.

"Not that." Sam turned his head so he could see Matt. "I'm in pain Matt. I don't want to feel it, please, even if it's just for a day or two. Please." His eyes watered again.

Matt couldn't stand the deep chasm of pain he saw in Sam's eyes and he looked down. When he looked back, he nodded. "Ok, I'll ask Trip. That'll help with the story that you're sick. Alright, hold on brother, relief is coming." He was about to get up when he had a thought. "I need you to let Trip look, everywhere, if the bleeding doesn't stop soon."

At first, Sam shook his head. No one could look, they would know if they did. It brought fresh tears to his eyes. But, he understood too. If it didn't stop bleeding, something serious could be wrong. He'd dealt with tears there before. Going to the bathroom was going to be hell. "Give it a few more hours. Let me just rest for a while. It should stop. If it doesn't I promise," he closed his eyes and swallowed, "I promise Trip can check it."

"Ok." Matt nodded he picked up the safe and hid it in a far corner of the tent. He'd have to make sure to change the combination on that safe and that they all kept their weapons secure. He went back and sat on his bed next to Sam's, watching Sam sleep. He knew this was going to be a rough couple days. A few moments later, Sam started thrashing in his bunk and groaning in pain. "It's ok Sam. Open your eyes. You're safe."

Sam tried to open his eyes, but one really hurt and wouldn't open. It only took a few seconds for him to realize what happened and where he was. He put an arm up to his face but put it back down because it hurt his ribs. "Oh god, please help me." He whispered in case anyone was listening.

 **AN: Rough. Yeah that's a good word for this one. Thank you for your reads, reviews, favorite and follows. I know this one is pretty dark, but with what's happening… Please leave a review! Thank you!**


	10. Chapter 10

Trip checked the IV bag and nodded, satisfied his patient was getting what his body needed. His mind was something different all together. He knew Matt was doing his best to help Sam with that, but it was rough. He leaned down and looked over Sam's face. It was a little better today. The swelling was down and his bruises were a sickly yellow color.

When Matt came to him with Sam's request, he'd been taken aback. He knew Sam was in pain from the beating, but to be knocked out completely for two days? There was way more to what was going on than either were saying, and Matt wasn't saying. He respected both too much to push for an answer, but it whatever it was, was very bad. He wondered if it had to do with Sam's dad.

As he looked at the fading bruises, he wondered again about the blood. He didn't get to see much when he pulled Sam's pants down and Sam attacked. He'd blown it off when Sam apologized. He wasn't hurt, but he did tell Sam that it was against his morals and medical code to talk about a patient's injuries. He'd hoped that would alleviate some of Sam's fear, but Sam had insisted he was fine, that the bleeding had stopped.

He sighed audibly as he checked Sam's vitals. Everything was normal. He'd agreed reluctantly to knocking Sam out, but he insisted that they wake Sam so he could eat at least twice a day. That had worked ok, except that Sam wasn't very hungry when he woke up. Luckily, Trip was able to get the cook to make a few protein rich shakes for Sam. It wasn't ideal, but it would fuel Sam's body while it healed. He turned to the next bunk and saw that Matt was sitting up. "How much sleep have you gotten?" He asked worriedly.

Matt lifted a shoulder and his stomach betrayed him by growling. He looked down and frowned, stupid stomach. "I'm ok."

"Dammit Matt. I'm tired of being lied to." Trip's angry gaze caught Matt's.

He blew out a breath. "I'm sorry Trip." Matt looked at Sam's sleeping face. "I- I just can't. But I appreciate everything you've done, and so does Sam." His stomach growled again and he rolled his eyes.

Trip smirked. "Go. I'll stay with him. And when you get back, you're taking a nap. I don't know what this is all about, but I do know that Sam will need you to be strong when he wakes up." He turned back to Sam and sat back on his butt on the floor of the tent, the sand shifting slightly beneath him. He saw Matt leave out of his periphery and nodded to himself. Good, he thought. The others were out training, so he went to his bed and grabbed his book. He sat in the same spot and started reading, glancing at Sam every once in awhile.

#####

"Corporal Dirst."

Matt recognized the voice and had to work hard not to turn around and belt the bastard. Oh how he wished he could, but he knew better. He turned slowly to see the Colonel walking towards him as Matt stood in the chow line. "Yes sir?" He saluted, but it was a little sloppy with the heavy tray in his hand. He didn't care.

The Colonel narrowed his eyes at the dark haired little imp. What kind of salute was that? He felt his anger rising and fought to keep from screaming at the prick. He could if he wanted. There were plenty of witnesses in the mess to back up a little punishment. He smiled deliciously. "Drop and give me twenty! You call that a salute soldier?" He smiled when the Corporal dropped his tray on the metal shelf and counted out his punishment. The soldier stood when he was done and saluted properly. "Where is your CO? And why hasn't your unit returned to the field?"

"Training, Sir. We are short a man." Matt stayed in his salute and gave a short answer. He didn't want to give the Corporal the satisfaction of knowing how badly he hurt Sam.

"Oh?" The Colonel smiled internally. "Injury?"

"Sickness, sir." Matt said, not wanting to say it out loud.

"Who?" The Colonel knew, but he wanted the little jerk to say it. This kid was the reason he had to play rough with his toy last night and he wasn't going to let him get away so easy.

Matt inhaled and kept his voice steady. "Master Corporal Braddock...sir."

"Too bad. Give him my best will you?" The Colonel raised a brow, then turned and left.

I'll give him a copy of your obituary, Matt thought darkly. He looked at his tray and suddenly wasn't hungry. He knew Trip would give him a hard time if he didn't eat so he grabbed a sandwich and an apple and left the mess. He ate the sandwich without really tasting it and mowed through the apple tossing the core in a nearby trash with force.

"Matt? What's up?" Hound saw Matt stalking towards the tent and knew something happened.

Matt put his hand out and deflected Hound's approach.

"Hey." Hound caught Matt's shirt and put his other hand on Matt's arm. "Easy kid. What happened?"

"I can't." Matt shook his head, his face red. He wanted to swing at someone or something, but he knew better than to do that to Hound. His body shook with rage.

"Ok. Come on." Hound kept a hold of Matt's shirt and led him past all of the tents to the open workout area. He steered Matt to the heavy bag and helped Matt get his gloves on. He leaned close to Matt. "I don't know what or who you're mad at, but pretend this is them."

Without a word, Matt turned to the bag and started punching. He moved around, switching his feet, bobbing and weaving. As he did so, he felt his anger rise and he hit the bag as hard and as fast as he could.

Hound stood back and watched. Damn, he thought, he'd never seen Matt like this. Whatever was going on was really serious. He thought back to Matt and Sam's actions and behaviors before now. He knew they were really close, more like a brother bond than just friends. Maybe that was why Matt was so upset about their supposed fight. He knew better. Matt and Sam had gotten into small scuffles, but never anything serious that came to blows.

Something else happened that neither wanted to talk about. He'd made a few quiet inquiries, but nothing came up. No one saw Sam, Matt or anyone else go anywhere during the night. It was strange. How did Sam get so beat up? He made sure that Mumbles knew Sam was sick and didn't mention his sniper's injuries. Matt could be charged with assault and it would kill Matt not to be there for Sam. He'd have to keep a close eye on them both.

Matt pounded his fists into the bag, his fury behind every blow. Dirty, nasty bastard. Punch. Hurting Sam, for pleasure. Punch punch. Treating him like some plaything? Punch, stick, punch punch. Screwing with his life. Punch, roundhouse kick. Causing untold pain? Punch punch punch punch. He was using both fists now in rapid succession, his hands a blur as he pounded out his frustration on the bag. A feral growl escaped his lips and he slammed his eyes shut, increasing the ferociousness of his attack. When he finally stopped, his chest was heaving, his hands shaking and sore.

Tentatively, Hound approached. He brought his hands up and cradled Matt's shaking, gloved hands in his. He undid the tape and pulled the gloves off carefully. He stole a glance at Matt when he did so and saw him wince. Crap. "Let me look." He said gently when Matt tried to pull away. He'd open the skin on most of his knuckles, but nothing serious. He gave Matt an amused look, patted him on the back and said, "feel better?"

"Yeah a little." Matt shrugged. He looked at his hands and sighed. Damn they hurt.

"Let's go." Hound tipped his head and they started walking to the tent. "Look, I know things with Sam are bad," when Matt looked at him with a small amount of surprise he added, "it doesn't take a genius to see it kid. I just want you to know that I will do anything to help you and Sam. And you know that goes for Trip, Peach and Zona too, it's what we do." He shrugged. "All you have to do is ask."

"I know," Matt sighed and looked at his bloody hands, "I appreciate it."

"Trip is going to kick your ass you know." Hound raised a brow and the corner of his mouth at Matt.

"Won't be too hard now." Matt held up one of his hands.

"Let's see if we can get 'em cleaned up. They don't look too bad." Hound detoured towards the bathroom and tipped his head.

After a few minutes of carefully rinsing and dabbing his hands dry, Matt's knuckles didn't look as bad. He knew they'd be sore for a little bit, but nothing he couldn't handle. They walked back to the tent and inside. He sat on his bed, his legs next to Trip's shoulder. "What're you reading?" He made a disgusted face after he read a few descriptive sentences.

Trip looked next to him, surprised. When did Matt and Hound get back? He had to stop getting so engrossed in the books he read. "The latest Medical Journal." He held it up so Matt could see the cover.

"Ugh. Pretty graphic." Matt made the face again.

"Just a description of the next big thing in heart surgery." Trip shrugged and looked back at the book. "Next time wear gloves." He dead panned without looking up.

"Oh, uh." Matt hid his hands down next to him.

"I know all, I see all." Trip looked at Matt, winked and went back to his book.

Hound, standing at his tall locker, smiled and busied himself in the locker. He knew they wouldn't fool Trip, but it was worth a shot.

"Sarge!" Peach stick his head through the tent flap and found Hound quickly.

"What's wrong?" Hound was instantly on edge.

"Hurry!" Peach said then disappeared from the door.

Hound, Trip and Matt looked at each other. "Stay with Sam." Hound told Matt as he and Trip left the tent. They saw Peach waiting for them at the end of the tent row and hurried after them. They stopped short when they got to the basketball area.

"You better apologize right fucking now Sanderson!" Zona was straining against two men holding his arms and body while he, red faced, struggled to get to the brunette five feet from him.

"Hey!" Hound used his Drill Sergeant voice to get their attention. "What's going on?"

"Tell him. Go ahead asshole. Tell him what you said about Sam." Zona yelled at the man.

"Sands?" Hound stepped closer to the six foot brunette. When he saw the man swallow, he scoffed.

"Ha! Not so brave now are you?" Zona taunted. Hound was a formidable man and not someone you wanted to cross.

"Zona. Can it." Hound barked then turned back to Sands who had a satisfied look on his face. "Oh you're not safe yet. What did you say, Corporal? I'm not going to ask you again." He put his hands on his hips.

Sands took a breath and stuck out his chest. "I was only repeating a rumor, sir." At Hounds withering look, he cleared his throat and kept his brave face on. "Rumor is that Braddock isn't sick. That he, uh, well that he and Corporal Dirst are," he saw the anger enter Hound's face and feared what he said next, "that they ran off together to get married." He wasn't expecting what came next.

Hound threw his head back and howled with laughter. After a moment he grabbed his stomach and doubled over, unable to stand the pain his laughter was causing.

Awkwardly, Sands started to laugh and was joined by the other people on the court. He started to back away slowly, unsure if he was off the hook or not. Everyone knew how loyal Hound was to his men, but he'd let his mouth get the better of him. He'd have to try harder to think before he spoke, which would be really hard for him. Suddenly, Hound stopped laughing and looked at him with the most anger he'd ever seen. If looks could kill? No, if looks could eviscerate. He put a self conscious hand on his chest.

"Is that the kind of man you are Sands?" Hound barely had a hold of his anger. "The kind that spreads vicious, untrue, bigoted rumors so that you could feel better about yourself? Did you feel better about yourself?" He didn't wait for an answer. "The kind that acts before he thinks or speaks? You don't just represent yourself when you speak, you represent your parents, your family and this army. Do you think your family would be proud of how you acted today?"

Sands hung his head. "No." He said quietly.

"I didn't hear you soldier!" Hound shouted.

"No Sir!" Sands stood at attention. "I am not proud of my behavior today Sir. I will strive to be the man I should be from now on Sir."

Hounds nodded. He already had part of a punishment, but for the other part he wanted Sands to apologize to his unit, publicly. He couldn't do that while Sam looked like he did. That part would have to wait. "Corporal Sands, for your degrading and disgusting behavior today, you will be assigned latrine duty for the next three weeks. And I want you to think about that son. The dirt, grime and god knows what else that lives in those bathrooms. I want you to think real hard about whether you want to stay down in that filth, or if you want to be the man I know your momma raised you to be. Do you understand?"

"Sir, yes sir!" Sands answered. The next three weeks were going to suck bad, but he understood the lesson he had to learn. God damned mouth, he thought angry with himself.

"And, as soon as Master Corporal Braddock is feeling better, you will personally apologize to him, Corporal Dist, me and the rest of my unit in the mess, nice and loud. You hurt one, you hurt all." Hound crossed his arms across his chest.

Oh shit. That sucked, Sands thought dejectedly. "Yes sir."

"Dismissed. Go see Corporal Fanning to sign up for latrine duty." Hound waited for Sands to acknowledge him, salute and hurry off. He looked around at the other men. "Anyone participating in such behavior will join Sands in the latrine. Understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!" The men shouted together, including Zona and Peach.

"Zona, Peach, follow me." Hound's tone was still tinged with anger. Once they were away from the basketball court, Hound turned on them. "Zona, what the hell did you think you were doing? You looking to ruin your career because of some idiot with a big mouth?"

"Yeah but-" Zona put a hand up towards the basketball court.

"Man, no one is worth getting thrown in the brig." Hound cut him off and shook his head. He turned to Peach. "And where were you?"

"I tried to get him to stop and when I couldn't I came to find you." Peach explained. He'd wanted to punch the loudmouths lights out too, but he'd learned long ago not to let people get under his skin. It was never worth it.

"Use your heads dammit." Hound turned and started walking back to the tent. He wasn't looking forward to telling Matt and Sam about this. It would hurt them both to know people were talking like that. He hoped that they would see that it was just a bunch of hot air from stupid people. He stopped and turned back to Peach and Zona. "When you tell Matt, keep it light."

"Yeah of course." Zona nodded. Matt had been on edge since Sam got hurt. Better to not add to his stress.


	11. Chapter 11

He was floating, but just barely. There were muted sounds around him because he had his ears in the water. He felt a certain peace just floating on his back, eyes closed. His body was relaxed, except for the ache in his rear. He'd been right, going to the bathroom had been horrible. He felt like he was going to bite his tongue off trying to keep from crying out. He was pretty sure Trip heard him though because the next time was much easier.

Sam looked around suddenly and realized he didn't know how to swim and was terrified of the water. He moved his arms back and forth and kicked his legs, but his head still dipped under the surface. His eyes went wide and he kicked harder. He could see the surface, but he couldn't get to it. His lungs were burning, he needed air, now. He kicked and flailed his arms, bubbles all around him. He strained, desperate to get to the surface, but it was no use. His mouth opened involuntarily and he screamed. He sat up in bed, his chest heaving as he pulled in gulps of air.

"Sam! You're ok man. Sniper breathing." Trip sat next to the bed but didn't touch him.

"Trip. I- I couldn't get to the surface. I was under water and I couldn't.." Sam brought a leg up, put an elbow on his knee and raked a hand through his hair stopping with his palm on his head. He left his other leg bent as that was comfortable for his bum. He wondered at the reality of his butt ache that crept into the dream. It was true though, Trip had helped him.

Matt sat on the corner of his bed, watching Sam. "Slow your breathing. In, hold 2, 3, 4, exhale. In, hold 2, 3, 4, good." counted the rhythm a few more times until Sam's breathing evened. He waited while Sam calmed. He put a hand on Trip's shoulder and tipped his head towards the door.

"No. He can stay." Sam said without looking at them. He closed his eyes and sighed. "You know, don't you?" He looked at Trip. He didn't want to admit it to anyone, but Trip had medical knowledge and had probably figured out part of what happened to him.

"I only know what you want me to know Sam." Trip said seriously. "I'm here to listen though, to whatever you want to say."

#####

The Colonel stopped dead outside the tent. He was just about to knock when he heard them speaking. His blood ran cold. His soldier wouldn't dare tell anyone about their fun would he? He knew he was rough this last time, but the big baby had to be milking it. Saying he was 'sick'? Come on. No doubt he was just trying to get out of more of their fun.

He thought back to the other night and had to discretely adjust himself. That was fun. He'd thought about it a lot in the last day or two. So much so that he was probably setting a record with all the releasing he'd had to do. Being near his toy had this affect on him. He was working on being stationed here permanently, but it wasn't likely with his current duties. So, he would just have to savor every moment he had with his blonde toy. He leaned closer to the door to listen.

#####

Matt watched Sam. He was really surprised that Sam seemed to be considering telling Trip about the Colonel. This was big. He also knew that telling anyone was a huge risk, to Sam and to anyone he told. The Colonel was a high ranking official and a cruel, heartless and calculating man. He had to be to run down a little girl in cold blood. It'd served as a reminder of the Colonel's evil soul.

The Colonel had proved many times to Sam that he held the power over him. After Sarah died, Sam had dutifully returned to seeing the Colonel whenever the Colonel wanted. In his teens, however, when Sam started to become interested in girls the Colonel proved again that Sam was his and his alone.

Sam had been instantly smitten with the beautiful brown eyed, brown haired girl in his freshman class. Even her name sounded like it was formed by the angels. He followed her everywhere and finally got up the courage to talk to her. She'd refused his attention at first, but he'd finally convinced her to go out with him. It was the first and only date they had. The next day he found out that her father, a military man, was killed in action. She and her brothers were taken in by a relative that lived in Alberta and were moving there after the funeral.

He went to the funeral, but didn't see that there was someone there watching him. He'd done his best to console her, but she was so distraught that she pushed him away. He'd understood. He'd been the same way when Sarah died. He'd watched her leave, his heart broke for her, and for him. As he left, he got in the car and was shocked to find the Colonel waiting for him in the dark interior.

The Colonel told him that this was what happened when he dare let anyone else have his heart. Everything he loved would be ripped from him. He was never to doubt what the Colonel was capable of, ever. And he hadn't, he would never forget what the Colonel would and could do.

Sam shook his head. He saw the same thoughts running through Matt's mind as his. It was far too dangerous to Trip to tell him anything. He wanted to, he wanted to tell his friends in the worst way. He knew they would do whatever they could to help him, even if it meant just coping with the aftermath but he couldn't. The Colonel would rip them apart and kill them whenever he had the chance. He was good at making people disappear, just like he did with his first love, Jessica. He couldn't lose them like he lost Jessica. Or Sarah. Or the countless people who'd been harmed over the years because of him. "Whatever you think happened is wrong." He said with finality.

"Um, ok." Trip had watched Sam come to some kind of decision and his demeanor change completely. He was closed off, his heart and thoughts fortified like a fortress.

"Just forget it, please." Sam turned cold eyes on Trip. "If you're my friend, you will never say a word."

"Ok Sam. I'm your friend." Trip put both hands up, the book still in one.

"But Sam," Matt pleaded. "Another ally-"

"Colonel, sir?" Hound gave the Colonel a questioning look. Why was he standing outside their tent? And what was with the open mouthed, shocked look that was just there? Now he looked like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

Inside the tent, Sam's gaze flicked to Matt's, his horror and abject fear plain. Oh god, what did he just hear? What does he know? Oh shit.

"Sergeant. Yes. I was just coming to find you. I hear you have a sick man? Is that why you haven't returned to the field as ordered?" The Colonel schooled his features as he turned to face the three men approaching the tent.

'It's ok. We didn't say anything damning', Matt's eyes said.

'Are you sure?' Sam tried to think back on what they'd said in the last few minutes since he woke up.

"Yes sir. Master Corporal Braddock has the flu, but our medic has been tending to him and assures me he will make a full recovery in a few more days." Hound said after they saluted.

"Yes. He's recovering nicely sir." Trip exited the tent, came to attention and salute the Corporal.

"Were you eavesdropping Master Corporal Cyr?" The Colonel accentuated the word and raised a sculpted brow.

Matt and Sam exchanged another look. He was listening just now and was letting them know.

"No sir. I was just exiting the tent after checking on MC Braddock. I was just going to find the Sergeant and give him a status update." Trip covered.

"Let's hear it." The Colonel waved a hand towards Hound.

"MC Braddock is awake sir and says he's feeling a little better. I'm continuing the fluids to keep him hydrated, but he believes he is ready for a more substantial lunch. A good sign he's made the turn." Trip reported. He'd had a short, written conversation with Sam and Matt before he left the tent as to what to say.

"Thank you Trip." Hound nodded. Still a little vague, but enough information to make the Colonel happy.

"Excellent. I have a mission that needs to be launched in the next five days. Sounds like your unit will be ready by then." The Colonel smiled. Oh yes, a very special mission, he thought evilly.

"Trip?" Hound looked to the medic.

"It depends, sir. Braddock is on the mend, but I don't know how long it will take for him to get his strength back." Trip answered semi-honestly. It was true Sam was getting better physically, but he didn't know about mentally.

"Very well. Keep me apprised." The Colonel said coldly, turned and left. So, that dark haired little prick knew about their fun huh? Well then it's time to bring him in on it, he thought. He look around and adjusted himself again thinking about what he could do with two toys.

Inside the tent, Sam shuddered at the humorless tone the Colonel used. He laid back against the pillows and looked at the ceiling. So many times in the past he'd looked up, begging the heavens for help that never came. He'd stopped asking long ago. No one could save his soul now, he was sure of it.

"It's ok." Matt whispered.

Sam looked at him. "When are you going to learn? It's never ok."

Hound frowned when he heard that, but he walked into the tent followed by Trip, Peach and Zona. Did this have something to do with the Colonel? He looked at Sam as he stopped at the end of the bed. "Good to see you awake." He gave a small smile.

"Thanks." Sam nodded.

When Hound looked at him, Zona stepped forward. "Um, I have to tell you both something, but I don't want you to stress about it. It's just people being stupid. No one believes it and Hound-"

Matt looked at Sam and rolled his eyes. "Zona, just spit it out man."

"Ok." Zona stopped babbling and took a deep breath. "I was playing hoops and one of the guys was running off at the mouth. You know Sands, he can be a jerk." When Sam nodded he continued. "He said that, uh, that you two ran off together and got married, that's why no one has seen either of you in days."

"What?" Matt snickered and looked at Sam who raised a brow at him. He was glad to see Sam saw the humor of it. He put on a serious face and said, "so who asked who? Cause I totally think Sammy would ask me." He put a flexed hand to his chest.

Sam frowned. "No I think you would ask me." He looked at his hand then held it up. "Where's my ring?" He winked at Matt and smiled. He thought how ironic it was that people were saying he and Matt were a couple. If they only knew who he really coupled with. He kept a smile on his face as Matt kept the joke going with l the guys, even though he felt disgusted with himself.

"All right gentlemen, let's go. Ten mile full gear run." Hound stopped removing gear from his locker, looked up at his unit and smiled. Time to bring the pain. They weren't one of the top elite units because they sat on their asses. When he heard a few groans, he turned and raised a brow at them. "Ok, 15 it is then."

Trip looked at Zona who was about to open his mouth. He cleared the few feet between them quickly and clamped a hand over Zona's mouth. He looked up at the Sarge and gave him a wide mouth, toothy grin.

With a chuckle, Sam sat up and adjusted his pillows, hiding a grimace at the pain it caused. His ribs were on the mend, but were still tender. He got into more of an upright position but put his head back on the pillows. He knew his time was up for being sedated. He would need to rejoin the world now that his bruises were fading. In some ways it was too bad he was a fast healer, he wished he could stay in hiding forever. But, even that would cause the people he loved harm. The Colonel would stop at nothing to be with him.

He looked at Matt, thinking how selfish it was of him to tell Matt about the Colonel. It put him at risk, one he was regretting at the moment. What if something happened to Matt? He'd never forgive himself.

"I'm staying." Matt gave Hound a determined look.

Hound observed the two best friends for a moment. He could see that Sam's thoughts had turned dark and he needed Matt to stay and talk. "Copy." He said simply and walked out of the tent following the rest of his heavily laden team. "Alright ladies, let's not take all day. Get you some!" He switched to his drill sergeant voice and the group took off at a run.

Matt sat on the edge of his bed and crossed his legs, waiting.

"You should get as far from me as possible." Sam said flatly, staring at nothing. "It's too dangerous."

"Not a chance in hell." Matt shook his head.

"What if-"

"Sam. Stop." Matt waved a hand. "We could spend hours, days, on what ifs. It won't change the fact that I'm your best friend. Ever."

"It should." Sam muttered. "You see what he did." He waved a hand at his body.

"I know. I'm so sorry Sammy. It's my fault." Matt hung his head.

"What?" Sam looked at him wide eyed.

"If you hadn't listened to me, he wouldn't have-" Matt lifted a hand towards Sam. "I didn't think he'd do that. He could've killed you." Tears formed and he kept his head down to hide them. He was pretty sure he'd die if Sam was ever taken from this earth.

"Matt." Sam said quietly. When he didn't lift his head, Sam sighed. "Matt look at me." He felt a stab of pain when he saw the tears. "It's not your fault. Do you hear me? He would've done, what he does anyway, whether I-" he hesitated to give details. It was hard enough to endure, but to say it out loud made it real. "You shouldn't feel guilty at all."

"But it was worse because I suggested you-" Matt couldn't say it either. His guilt was consuming him. If he'd known Sam would've gotten so beat up, he wouldn't have made the suggestion to wear himself out first.

"For god's sake Matt!" Sam rolled his eyes. "We're you there? Did you make me? I didn't have to follow your suggestion. Besides, we both know how," he looked towards the entrance to the tent nervously, "it can be." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Neither of us are to blame. We just have to remember who is."

"Can you?" Matt asked curiously.

Sam gave him a serious look. "I'll never forget." Indeed, he thought, I know _exactly_ who is to blame.

 **AN: Ha! You thought his first love was Jules didn't you? Hee Hee. I know, I'm mean. Don't worry, there's only one** **true** **love for Sam. As always, please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

"Trip! Are you lollygagging?" Hound yelled back to the figure several feet behind the group. He looked at Peach. "Keep going, out around the encampment twice. We'll catch up."

Peach nodded and looked behind him, concerned. He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I got it." Hound smiled when Peach looked back at him. Peach nodded and Hound slowed his pace to let Trip catch up to him. When they were side by side, he matched Trip's pace and looked ahead.

Trip had been so engrossed in his thoughts, he hadn't realized that he fell behind and that Hound had fallen back with him. He looked out across the desert, unsure how to begin. He had a suspicion that Hound knew, but he couldn't be sure. There was only one way to find out. "I'm worried about Sam." He said finally.

"I can see that." Hound nodded. "Me too. I was glad to see him awake."

"Yeah. I just-" Trip stopped dead in his tracks.

"It's was bad." Hound stopped and looked at Trip.

"Yes. Did you know before-"

"No." Hound shook his head. "If I did I would've done something to stop it."

"I know. Me too." Trip looked away sadly. How could that happen to someone as strong as Sam? Why? And most importantly, who? He looked at Hound. "What do we do now?"

"Whatever we can to help him."

"You don't think it was the General, do you?" Trip frowned.

Hound considered that. "No. We saw him after he got back, but maybe the General ordered it. Or, it's some other sick bastard." His stomach rolled at the thought. How could someone do that to someone else? For what purpose? Sam was a good and honorable man, why would someone want to hurt him? "Maybe someone is trying to use him to hurt the General?"

"Maybe." Trip nodded. "We're going to have to keep an eye on him from now on."

"He's going to hate that." Hound nodded. "But we have to try to protect him."

"Agreed." Trip looked at Hound and they started running again. "Do you think we should tell Sam and Matt?"

"No. I don't want to stress them. Whoever is doing this has them both on edge. Better to just work in the background."

"Copy."

##### Sam's unit tent #####

Matt smiled at Sam as he watched him eat. It was good to see his appetite back. Matt had just come back from his second trip to the mess and it looked like he'd make a third. He'd been worried the past couple days. Whenever Sam was awake, he would barely touch his food. That is, until Trip threatened Sam with a trip to the hospital for a feeding tube. Then, he ate a few bites.

Sam looked up from his food. He'd felt Matt's gaze on him and had looked up in curiosity. He took another bite of the turkey dinner. "What?"

"I'm glad to see you're eating."

"I've been eating." Sam frowned at him.

"Not enough Sammy. You need your strength." Matt shook his head.

"I know. We have a mission coming up." Sam nodded, finished off the turkey and moved on to the cranberry sauce.

"Maybe." Matt gave him a concerned look.

"I'll be fine." Sam smirked.

"Then you should get up and take a shower." Matt smiled.

"Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea." Sam nodded. He looked down at his food. Time to get back into the world, he thought wearily. He pushed the plate away and laid back against the pillows. When he saw it disappear from his lap he looked at Matt. He could see the worry lines on Matt's face and he felt guilty for causing them.

When Matt disappeared out the door he threw back the covers and stood up carefully. He stretched his muscles gently, testing them. He turned his torso and felt each of his bruised and cracked ribs. He took several deep breaths and grimaced at the pain it caused. Definitely not ready for a run yet, he thought. He went to his locker and felt his butt twinge as he walked. Yep, still sore, he thought irritably. He wondered why the Colonel didn't kill him this time. This was the worst punishment he'd had so far.

Sam grabbed his shower stuff and a change of clothes and headed, slowly, to the bathroom. He looked to make sure no one was around and then walked as quickly as he could to the bathroom. I probably should've waited for Matt so he could run interference for me, he thought. When he got back to the tent, Matt was lying in his bunk, reading a book.

"Feel better?" Matt put the book on his chest and looked at Sam.

"Some, yeah." Sam sat on his bunk with a wince. He got up, pulled the covers back and climbed in, suddenly very tired. He rolled away from Matt to his side and closed his eyes, asleep in seconds.

Matt went back to his book, glad that Sam was getting some more sleep. The nightmares last night were pretty bad. He was surprised the other guys didn't wake up. Actually, he was pretty sure they did wake up, they just didn't say anything. He wondered again how much Trip would admit he knew. He sighed and put the book down. He was restless, but he didn't want to leave Sam right now. He dropped to the floor and started doing as many push ups as he could until his arms got tired. When he was done he flipped over and did sit ups until he couldn't any more. He was laying on his back when Zona and Peach walked back into the tent.

"Matt!" Zona ran forward but stopped when Matt put a finger to his lips. "What're you doing?" He frowned and tipped his head to the side.

"Sit ups." Matt breathed and put a hand on his chest.

"Ah." Zona nodded and walked to his locker. He grabbed his shower stuff and a change of clothes and followed Peach out.

Several minutes later, Hound and Trip returned to the tent. Matt raised a brow at them. "You two get lost?"

Trip lifted one side of his mouth. "Just a little slow today."

Matt looked at Hound questioningly.

Hound shrugged. He knew that was uncharacteristic of him, but he wasn't going to explain. He walked to his locker, ignoring the funny look Matt continued to give him. He and Trip had spent the run making a plan on how to keep Sam from being injured again. Both knew it would probably piss Sam off, but that was better than him getting beat up or worse.

##### officer's quarters #####

The Colonel sat naked at his desk, trying to find a way to do what he wanted and still get away with it. It'd take some major finagling and cover up. He needed someone he could trust and that was certainly hard to find. Well, almost. He looked back to the bed at the redhead still sleeping there. He'd almost been as fun as his toy, except that he liked it. He liked it a lot.

He smiled. It'd been so easy. He knew Mumberg was an ass to his staff, so it was easy to convince Fanning to come work for him. Mumbles was so mad. He smiled to himself. Everyone knew about the nickname and it fit perfectly. He loved that Mumbles had spit and sputtered about losing Fanning. He didn't care. Let Mumberg find someone else.

It didn't take much for him to realize Fanning's interests and seduce him. He was just a kid, and eager to please. Oh so eager to please. He hardened at that thought. The boy was good for being so young, good and tight. He missed that with his toy. That brought him back to his plan. For this to work, he'd need Fanning's help. He could do all the dirty work, he just needed a cover. Fanning wouldn't even know what he was covering.

The Colonel stood and smiled. He was nearly at full staff. He sauntered back into the bedroom, climbed under the covers and cuddled up to Fanning's fanny. When the boy groaned in his sleep, he pushed himself into the fanny.

"Mmm. Again?" Fanning groaned, not that he was complaining. He liked this assignment so much better. When the Colonel started a slow rhythm, he moaned.

"Yes. I need you Fanny." The Colonel whispered in his ear.

Fanning smiled at the nickname. He liked the double meaning of it. "Then take what you need." He breathed as the rhythm picked up.

Later, as they lay sated, the Colonel asked his favor. "I need to take off for a few days and I need you to cover for me."

"Sure." Fanny rolled over to look at the Colonel and frowned. "Where you going?" He asked a little jealous.

The Colonel's mouth quirked at his jealous tone. "Secret maneuvers in the desert. I'm overseeing the training of a soldier for a very dark mission." He smiled internally at his irony.

"Ok." Fanny shrugged. He knew the upper ranks did secret missions like this all the time, their aides whispered about it sometimes at the mess late at night.

##### three days later #####

"C'mon Braddock! Get the lead out!" Hound called as he watched his sniper fight his way through the obstacle course. He was a little pissed actually. He didn't understand why Sam was pushing himself so hard to go on this mission for the Colonel. He wasn't healed completely. His ribs were still sore, that was evidenced by their hand to hand training earlier today.

One good throw to the ground had Sam gasping for breath and holding his ribs. He'd waved off any help up and had stayed sitting on the ground until he caught his breath. He'd felt bad for Matt. He could see that Matt felt bad for doing that, but he also saw that he was proving a point to Sam. He wasn't ready yet. And now, Sam was trying to prove a point to Matt.

Sam was huffing and puffing, but he knew he was making good time on their makeshift obstacle course. He jumped the old truck engine block and dropped to crawl through the truck tires. Next was up and over, up and over the truck frame and he could see Matt waiting for him at the final obstacle. Matt dropped to the ground just before Sam got to him so Sam grabbed him, threw Matt over his shoulder and carried him over the finish line with a smile.

Matt climbed off of Sam's shoulders when Sam bent down. He heard a sharp intake of breath and gave Sam a dirty look. He didn't understand why Sam was pushing himself so hard. Their next mission was for the Colonel. One they shouldn't want to go on.

Hound tipped his head to the side as he looked at his watch. Damn, he thought, even though Sam still wasn't 100% he was friggin fast. "Good job Sam, two even."

"Ha!" Sam turned to Matt who glowered at him. He lowered his voice. "C'mon Matt. You have to admit that was damned good."

"Come here." Matt growled. He turned his back and walked a few feet from Hound, Trip and Zona. When they were out of earshot, he looked at Sam. "You still need to take it easy. You couldn't do hand to hand this morning. We should let another unit go on that mission."

"No way." Sam shook she's head vehemently. "Like you said, I'm not letting him win."

"You know this could be the mission he makes sure you don't come back from." Matt eyed him worriedly.

"I'm done worrying about what ifs Matty." Sam shook his head and leaned closer. "He already has my body, I'm not letting him have my mind too." He tapped a finger to the side of his head.

Matt nodded slowly. He understood. Sam was fighting a war in every way with the Colonel. A win, even a small one, was still a win. "Ok, Sam, ok."

 **AN: On the edge of your seat? Goood. :) please review, you may just see your suggestion or opinion in the story! Thank you!**


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